


Try, Try again!

by Yikesu



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Murphy/Evan Hanson/Jared Kleinman maybe, Death, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing in the Rain, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Polyamory, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans!Connor, Trees, Zoe is gayyyyyy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-23 01:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yikesu/pseuds/Yikesu
Summary: Why would someone want to die when there are so many amazing things in life?  I don't know why don't you ask Connor Murphy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw: cutting,suicide attempt

_Oh, my god this was such a bad idea! You're going to fall and break your already awful face and-_

 

Evan Hanson’s thoughts were cut off by him plummeting down to the earth,15 foot, from a sycamore tree. Pain stung throughout him and tears wet his silver-blue eyes.

 

“S-shit!” Evan cried out trying to get up. When he finally was able to move, his mind swirled with self-deprecating thoughts.

 

_Great now I’ve got to go and explain to my mom who is already overworking herself to put food on the table that I, her fuck-up son, need a visit to the hospital. Which of course means expensive medical bills._

 

His mother, being her optimistic self, said that the day's events would make for an amazing letter. She completely avoided the financial aspect as they drove. Evan put on a terribly forced smile as he stepped into the E.R. lobby. God, he hated hospitals from the fact that they all seemed to have a bland green and blue color pallet to the smell of jello that lingered in the halls.

 

He silently prayed that his mother would do the talking to the staff about his condition unfortunately his prayer was not heard. As he nervously walked up the to the desk he glanced back to his mom, hoping that she would intervene and inform the nurse at the desk. Instead she just had an encouraging, broad smile on her face.

 

After finally gathering up the valor to mumble a few brief sentences to the nurse explaining the situation he let out a huge sigh.

 

“See honey that wasn't so bad was it? I’m proud of you.” His mom said still holding on to the giant smile.

 

“Heh- yeah.”

 

While getting fitted for his cast Evan saw a boy-or maybe even a man-standing out in the hallway wearing a patient's garment. He looked familiar and with his pale white skin, dark eyes, long luscious hair, and jawline that could cut through steel he might as well have been a model. However, Evan supposed that he was a little too short and lacked muscle to be one. Even still he looked so damn familiar and Evan couldn't place why, that was until his mother caught what he was staring at and asked, “Is he from your school or something honey?”

 

“What? Oh yeah I think he is. Um...Connor Murphy, yeah that his name.”

 

“Murphy, is it? Is he related to your crush Zoe Murphy be any chance?” She asked, causing the doctor in the room to let out a small chuckle and Evan to wish he had died when he fell out of the tree.

 

“Ugh no- I mean yes- I mean ugh!” He feebly attempted to speak but no sentences were forming. He wasn't even sure why he was so discombobulated, after all he no longer liked Zoey since realizing he only liked the idea of her. Plus she was a huge lesbian so that also factored into things a bit.

 

Maybe he was at a loss for words because of Connor. He was an interesting character who was known for his mean exterior and school track record. Almost every girl at school had an attraction to him in some way. Evan believed it was his whole bad boy emo aura.

 

“Oh my didn't mean for you to get all flustered” She said with mild concern in her voice.

 

 _Yeah you're right I’m just over reacting like I always do because I can’t take a joke._ He thought to himself filled with internal anger.

 

The rest of the visit was eerily silent which made him slightly uneasy but so did talking so he was pretty much always in a state of uncomfort. When they left the doctor's office and stepped into the hallway there Connor was, talking up so beautiful nurse in cotton candy pink scrubs.

 

Just as the family pair was about to enter the elevator another nurse who was significantly older and wore rainbow scrubs told them to stop as she was going to retrieve a few pieces of paperwork that needed to be filled out. Evan figured if he was stuck waiting on whatever paper work need to be got he could sneakily eavesdrop on the Cotton candy nurses conversation with the Murphy.

 

The two were not talking about much in particular but Connor seemed to ooze charisma, which was a surprise to Evan as he thought Conner had zero socializing skills, and looked perfectly healthy so at first Evan was puzzled as to why he was in an overnight stay hospital garment. But when Conner flicked his wrist up somewhat scars were revealed. They were small and hardly noticeable but looked like they cut deep.

 

He wondered if the boy had tried to cut himself to death and that's why he was in here. Suddenly he felt nausea and his eyes fluttered around trying to find something to focus on. His breath quickened and his vision blurred. He flashed a quick look at his mom  but she was on her phone looking at her Facebook feed, completely oblivious to his small anxiety attack.

 

 _Oh my god, really man?_ He asked himself. _You see a couple of scratches on a guy's arm and you go into a panic, really?_

 

Evan counted backward from 10 almost 3 times before he was interrupted by the older nurse.

 

She asked if everything was alright with him and he responded with a weak “Y-yeah.”

 

Evan and his mother signed the forms given and were about to descend down the elevator when Conner spoke out Evan’s name

 

_How does he know my name? I’m completely unnoteworthy. What does he want from me? Ah m-maybe he knows I eavesdropped on his conversation? I knew I shouldn't have done that._

 

Ms. Hanson told Evan that she would wait outside near the car and flashed a small smile at the pair of boys.

 

“Hey dude,” Conner said without any trace of malice intent “You shouldn't eavesdrop on conversations.”

 

“I know.” Evan replied quietly mad at himself that he got caught.

 

“Yeah? Ok then, um also the cuts on my arms- what don't look so surprised! I know you saw them.” He continued his eyes flickering at Evan and the floor. “Anyway, they're kinda the reason I’m here.”

 

Evan looked in horror as Connor lifted his gown sleeves to reveal a large slash in the middle of his right forearm.

 

“Yeah the small ones weren’t fatal but this one, yeah this one should have killed me…” He trailed of and studied Evans face “Oh no there was so point in hiding it. I mean have you ever seen me without long sleeves on? Even in the dead of Summer I’m still in my favorite leather jacket. I don't know why I tried so hard to be honest.”

 

Evan couldn't get a word out he was still so confused. Why was the infamous Conner Murphy spilling his guts out to him? They didn't know each other after all. In the past three year of high school they had held about five conversations in total including this one.

  
“Not much of a talking hm? Well whatever I don't give a shit I’ll probably try again once I get out of here. After all if first you don't succeed, try, try again!” Connor said laughing at himself. “Go catch up with your mom, dude.” And with that Conner walked down the hallway leaving Evan by himself confused and in need of a nap from all that socializing.


	2. meet me in the bathroom(or the pit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe needs to learn how to drive, homeboys need to stay in fucking class, and Jared is a gossipy bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhh boi this is,,,,a thing
> 
> trigger warnings: que*r being used (not in a derogatory way tho) and Scars itching

The fabric of his Jet-Black hoodie abrasively rubbed against his wrists and forearm. Wincing in pain Conner sighed. I mean what was he thinking? Cutting his wrist like some melodramatic teenager-wait that kinda described him…

 

“I swear to fucking god if you don't get your ass down here I’ll fight you!” His sister, Zoe, Screamed from downstairs in the kitchen.

 

“Meet me in the pit!” Conner replied playfully. Since his suicide attempt the siblings seemed to be closer. It was a foreign concept to the both of them but they liked the sudden closeness, even if it was only temporary.

“But I’m not even joking. I’m driving and if you're not down her in like, two seconds I’m leaving without you, ok?”

 

“Yeah, Yeah I’m coming jesus women.”

 

Conner left without eating breakfast which wasn't a huge loss since eating in the morning made him slightly queasy. However, the fact that Zoey did the same was slightly alarming.

 

“Did you eat anything?” Conner asked staring right at her despite the fact that he knew her answer.

 

“No but- oh hey come one it's not like that! I just wasn't hungry” Zoe protested taking her eyes off the road momentarily and on to her brother. “You didn't eat either.”

 

” Yeah but I don't have a damn eating disorder now do I?”

 

“ _Had_...I had one.” She replies softly obviously hurt and all her sibling can do is look out the window and sigh.

 

A familiar silence between the two followed the conversation until they rolled up to Zoe’s Girlfriends house.

 

“Ohhhh were picking up Alana?” Conner mocked with a kissy face. “God you two are so cute it's gross, y’know that?’

 

“Whatever! Move to the back.” Zoe huffed out, her cheeks tinted in red.

 

“Ah you hurt me Zoe. Banishing your own brother to the back? How could you?”

 

She ignored him and instead opted for acting really gay with her partner, Alana Beck.

 

The rest of the car ride Conner was a bitter, jealous queer and Zoe almost ran into a tree while trying to kiss Alana. God those two were adorable.

 

*******************************************************************

 

Connor sat in the back of the classroom in his third period science class. It was great because not only could he look out of the window and admire the view, but half the time he was still baked from whatever he had taken early in the morning and so being able to disappear was extremely helpful.  Today however he wasn't high(I know shocker) and was actually trying to pay attention. That didn't last too long though because something caught his eye-or perhaps some one?

 

 _Hansen._ Connor thought looking out of the window and down into the courtyard where the other boy resided. _I told him some things that shouldn't get out while i was on painkillers._

 

Evan was sitting on a bench drawing or painting some sort of tree. Conner guessed that it was probably for a still life art project or something judging by the fact that other kids were outside as well.

 

Evan looked up from his picture briefly but caught Conner staring and burst into a nervous sweat.

 

_What the hell is he looking at? I thought this day couldn't get any worse! I mean, of course the school junkie is glaring at me he told me about his suicide attempt! He probably thinks I owe him or something? Wait that doesn't really make any sense???? But he's high all the time so he probably doesn't make sense half the time anyway!_

 

Evan was having an internal panic that was soon going to become external if he didn't get away soon.

 

He stuttered out the question of whether he could go to the bathroom to his art teacher and when being granted permission fled the scene.

 

Connor still eyeing Evan quickly followed suit the only difference was he didn't wait for the teacher to respond he just left.

 

Rushing past lockers and classrooms Connor tried to Calculate which bathroom Evan could be going to after all there were like, ten male bathrooms. Luckily Connor knew the layout of the school because back when he was a freshman he liked to smoke on campus just to see if he could get caught and how fast he could run away. He also knew from many anger fits what bathrooms were most secluded, therefore he knew the other boy could only be going one place.

 

The east male bathroom.

 

Evan ran into the bathroom and took a second to catch his breath. This wasn't truly a panic attack it was him just getting anxious for Connor.

 

 _If Connor Murphy burst through that door it might turn into a panic attack though_ Evan thought while checking a few stalls to make sure no one was in the room.

 

...like normal life just wanted to fuck with poor Hansen, didn't it?

 

“I need to talk to you.” Connor said with a booming voice that shook Evan to the core and stopped him from finishing his check.

 

“W-what are you d-doing here? A-are you following me or something?” Evan asked his voice quivering.

 

“Yes I, Connor Murphy, am stalking you.” He said in a tone that was dripping with sarcasm.

 

“Right ok um, then what do you want?” Evan said his voice becoming steadier.

 

“It’s simple, Hansen I promise. All you have to do Is not tell anyone about my suicide attempt. I mean, I only told you those things 'cuz I was on those drugs the doctor gave me.”

 

“Oh o-of course I would nev-” Even started but was cut off by a bang of a stall door opening. A figure emerged rather slowly, which killed Evan on the inside.

 

“Kleinman.” Connor noded to the figure that turned out to be Evans family friend.

 

“School shooter chic.” Jared said with a smile faker that Cynthia Murphy’s face.

  
_Oh lord please, no._ Hansen prayed knowing damn well that this was going to end up horribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im crying because the whole bathroom scene was based of of something that really happened to me in 8th grade ( i was Jared, awkwardly listening to an extremely personal convo while trying to until the two heard me sneeze and then it was.....hell)


	3. cry, cry again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bathroom banter

_ Oh my fucking god of course someone had to be in the bathroom! And Jared no less I swear I'm going to kill myself just you fucking wait!  _ Evan mentally screamed at know one in particular as he slumped down to the cold tile floor of the bathroom, hands over head.

 

The air between the trio was tense and Connor’s jaw muscles were visibly clenching as he looked to the floor, tear swelling up in his eyes making his sight blurry. About thirty seconds had passed before anyone said anything.

 

“Hm you, Evan Hansen, get into some weird situations.” Kleinman said peering down at the boy. “So is anyone going to tell me what the hell's going on or should I assume I know the facts?” He continued looking at Connor with a hint of lightheartedness as if he thought this was just playful banter.

 

“You know what assuming does? It makes an ass out of you  _ and _ me.” Connor responded finally looking mirroring the tone of the previous comment as a few stray tears ran across his face.

 

_ Maybe I just don’t get human interaction.  _ Fretted Evan. _ I mean, this is supposed to be nerve racking right? Is Connor Murphy crying? I didn't know that was a thing he could do. Are these two going to fight because I can't handle seeing Jared in a coffin. _

 

Evans dout was soon replaced with fear as he watched Connor lunge forward and slam into Jared's abdomen

 

“W-what a second guys!” Evan tried to speak up but he was drowned out by his own self-doubt.

 

Evan watched with dread as the other boys tumbled to the ground and waited for a brawl to break out.  However, instead of seeing a fight he saw Connor laying a top Jared crying. 

 

Really ugly crying too. The kind that makes your eyes red and puffy and your face uneven colors of red.

 

‘Murphy, your face is getting all splotchy.” Jared said petting Connors hair gently.

 

“Shut the hell up Kleinman.” He replied barring his tomato red face into Jared shirt

 

Evan stared at the two completely dumbfounded. Had he missed something? Was his only friend also friends with the school druggy? And if so why were they so close that Connor laying upon him, head in lap?

 

Evan started to clam up, badly. Was he going to lose the only person he considered a friend to a should-have-been highschool dropout? 

 

Jared must have noticed Evans confused and panicked look so he offered an answer. “No I am still your friend, acorn just because i'm fondly playing with this fucking messes hair, doesn't mean I can't be friends with you.”

 

“Are y-you a mind reader?” Evan asked astonished that his friend had read him so well.

 

“Yes. Yes I am.”

 

“Sounds fake but ok.” Connor peeped out his voice muffled my Jared's clothing. “Also, acorn? What kind of nickname is that?”

 

“Ew.  _ It  _ talks.” Kleinman said with a quick laugh.

 

“I swear to god, fight me Kleinman!” Murphy said with his eyes looking up with a soft glare as he slowly stopped crying.

 

“And it's because he fell out of a tree, and he hates hit so that's a bonus.” He continued, after Connor, looking at the cast.

 

“W-when did you t-two become friends?” Evan inquired his right eyebrow raised slightly.

 

“I’ll answer all that later. Right now I want to know when this suicide attempt happened and I also wanna know if that's,” Jared  voiced while poking the top of Connors messy hair. “The reason why you didn't text, DM, or call me all Thanksgiving break.”

 

“It is.” The boy in question uttered and then in an irritated tone added “And i’m sorry you felt left out about knowing I slit my goddamn wrist.”

 

“Dude. What the hell? I deadass care about you and when you didn’t respond I knew something was up.”

 

Suddenly Connor sprang up from his position in Jareds lap and speed walked to the bathrooms door. “I came here to skip class not get a lecture, _mom_.” He spoke the last word with oozing venom as he left.

 

“Soooooo Evan what the hell is the story?” Jared said completely ignoring the absence of Connor. “It's a ‘show me your and I'll show you mine’ kinda thing.”  He said with a wink.

 

Evan took a moment to compose himself and then told Jared all he knew about. The wrist cutting, the odd socialization Connor had with a nurse. How he just seemed so… out of character.

 

“Well time for my to have a tell all, I suppose. So we became friends at a party and like, I don't know I was high and he was high and we- yeah that's what happened.”  He started to avoid Evans eyes towards the end of his story.

 

Evan tilted his head slightly in confusion “Uhh what were you going to say?”

 

“What? Nothing.”

 

Yes y-you were g-going to say something,r-right?” Evan started to worry that he was going crazy.

 

“Woah buddy you were right, I said something. I was going to say that we um kinda hadsexinthebathroom." He spat out the words quickly and turned bright red.

 

“ O-h my….OH MY GOD!”  Evan exclaimed rolling onto his back. “W-what the actual fuck?”

 

“I'm sorry dude but you asked.” Jared shrugged looking more like his usual skin tone.

 

“Well i-i'm done. Bye I need to get back to class.” 

 

“Wait no! Acorn come back.” 

 

“S-stop calling m-me that.”

 

All Evan could thing about while speeding back to his art class was that Jared freaking Klienman had a sex life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Connor criessssss so do I
> 
> also u get the setting (late Nov close to being Dec)


	4. gossipy bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to the mall and Connor doesn't pay for shit.

It had been days since the incident in the bathroom and even longer since Evan had written a letter to himself. His mom called him out for this and gave him an ultimatum, either write the letter or go out to the mall for a few hours.

To anybody else the obvious choice would be to go to the mall. But with him going to a place filled with loud obnoxious people sounded like hell. After a lot of nail biting and internal screeches Evan was out the door with his wallet and into his car.

Hedi promised that he only had to stay for three hours and yet that seemed like such an extensive amount of time.

After searching for a parking spot he ended up parking in the boonies. Stepping out of the car Evan looked up on his phone what movies were playing. They all were horror movie...of course. No, no it would be too hard to have a happy, stupid kids movie play in the middle of the damn day!

With an eye roll and a sigh, Evan started walking toward the main entrance of the mall. It had a large arch made out of glass that met him and the other patrons just before he hit the door. He marveled at it because although he loved the outdoors he had always had a fascination with buildings.

Bringing his eyes down from the structure he noticed two things: One the carousel at the entrance wasn't operating and two Zoe Murphy and Alana beck were making out on the stationary carousel. Evan looked around waiting for someone to ask them to stop doing that on a children’s ride, but not a soul spoke out.

Ok wow, so this is great. To chicks macking on each other... wow just what I, a lonely gay, needed to see.

Evan then proceed to ignore the happy couple has he walked down to the food court. He really didn't know he was in the mood for, hell he knew what he wasn't in the mood for though.

Human interaction.

And that's what going to a food stall would entail so instead of going and ordering food he just sat and down at one of the many empty tables and went on his phone. He was peaceful for what seemed like forever, scrolling through his facebook and Instagram.

That was until the extremely cool Jared Klineman walked up and slammed his fist on the table.

“Hey buddy,pal,friend,chum,homeslice,breadslice, dog!” He said rather energetically while he shook the table a bit.

“W-what t-the hell?” Evan asked out, his eyes wide looking away from his feed.

“How would you like to help sneak a wanted fugitive into the mall?” Jared asked maniacally grinning and reaching for Evans unbroken arm.

Evan jerked back in his chair filled with shock and almost fell over but, the other boy grab arm and pulled him back.

All Evan could do is respond with an odd noise that some might have considered

“Soooooo is that a yes because I think that was a yes.” Jared spoke rather fast as he dragged Evan out of his chair and through a back entrance of the mall.

“H-hey dude wh-where are we going?” Evan stuttered out unable to stop his feet from moving with Jared.

His question was answered as the pair ran behind a hedge corner and saw a struggling Connor attempting to jump into a low hanging window. The boy turned his head to the two a yelled out “So we meet again, great.”

“As much as love your sarcasm, I brought him here because he would totally help.”

“On what planet could I help?” Evan spat out wiggling his hand away from Jared’s.

Oh shit! No they thought that I was helpful and now they're going to realize that i’m actually a useless piece of shit. FUcK.

“I am sure he's plenty helpful but I told you that I didn't need help and now you've brought acorn here” Connor said while gesturing to Evan.

“D-don't call me that!”   
  
“Yeah that's my nickname for Evan find your own damnit!” Jared spoke out putting his hand on Evan’s shoulder rather defensively.

“Ok um so can I go if C-connor doesn't want help? B-because I was quite content with sitting at a table.” Evan told them, getting ready to turn away.

“Wait no your smart Evan you have to help poor, stupid Connor over here. Please”

“I’m not fucking stupid Jesus. But I am suicidal.” He laughed out pulling up his hoodie sleeve to reveal the healing scars.

“Stop no I love youuuuu don't do this to me. You Hurt me when you say things like thatttttt.” Jared said half-jokingly and stepping closer to Connor.

  
“Wait why did you get banned from mall anyway?” Evan inquired.

“He tried to shoot it up!” Jared said quickly laughing.

“What no n-no I did not try to do that. Stop you're scaring Evan. I tried to shoplift a large amount of bathbombs. And don't make yourself seem innocent Jared. I see you buddy, you worked at Lush at the time-

“Still do”

“You didn't get fired?” Both Connor and Evan said in unison.

“Oh I did but I got rehired.”

“Okay then well back to the story I-” Connor tried to start but before he could finish his sentence Evan spoke out.

“Hey g-guys can’t we just go in through the movie theater? I m-mean i-its dark in there always so…”

“Whoa, I knew that he was smart! You're welcome Connor.”

“Yeah ok that's a pretty good plan Hansen.” Connor admitted and began walking toward the theater.

“Alright that's all go!” Jared said with his large smile back on his face.

“What th- n-no I didn't agree to that. S-stop.” Evan tried to say but was interrupted by Connor grabbing his hand.

“Shut the hell up Hansen. No one gives a fuck whether or not you wanna come ‘cuz you're coming anyway.” Connor continued, walking down the street and holding the other boy's hand with what Evan would call a ‘mean look’.

“Um ok.” The boy said looking down at Connor's hand on his. This action made Evans thoughts swirl around a bit.

I knew that Jared was a touchy kind of person but only when he was extremely happy. But Connor touching people doesn't sound right? Maybe I'm over thinking this but...

Together the trio went across the parking lot to the other side of the mall that held the movie theater.

“Hey wait why don't we actually watch a movie? I’ll pay for snacks.” Jared said still smiling.

“Yeah ok as long as, dear Evan Hansen over here pays for the tickets.”

“Y-your not paying for anything? Thats really cheap of you.” Evan said while a small smile cracked on his face.

“Nope. He never does.”

“Shut up Kleinman! I paid for um-the- ugh. I don't fucking know when the last time I paid for something was. I mean early today I had Alana pay for my lunch-”

“O-oh you saw your sister and Alana t-today?” Evan asked

“I think everyone saw them on that poor, poor carousel.” Connor told the group, his eyes rolling.

“I mean did they even think about the children? Imagine the small children seeing two lesbians in this safe suburban area! I can't believe this would happen in my community!” Jared declared and then started laughing. In fact they all started laughing and Evan found himself in a moment of bliss, which was weird.

Finally the three made it to the movie theater and stepped into the line. Like Evan had said it was dim and the boys couldn't really see anything but each other and the ticket seller who had a flashlight shining on them. Jared hooked onto Evan’s cast in the darkness which made Evan’s stomach flip a bit, but he was unsure why.

“What movie are we seeing guys?” Asked Jared who began to look up at the play board.

“ Oh d-damn I forgot that all the movie playing this weekend were horror movies.” Evan muttered looking down at his shoes.

“Fuck yeah I love horror movies!” Connor shout-whispered as they moved up in the line.

“Me too. Hey Even if there's a scary part we’ll protect you.” Jared spoke with a playful look on his face.

“You can even pick out which movie you think will be less scary.” Connor told him.

Evan eventually shrugged and picked out a movie called “Catastrophic Cryptids” because the alliteration pleased him.

They bought the tickets and then went into the snack line to buy popcorn however when they got to the front of the line the girl behind the counter gave them all their food for free. She looked nervously at Jared the entire time though.

“What was that all about Kleinman?”

“Oh I have dirt on her.”

“S-so you own her now?” Evan asked with astonishment. He knew that Jared heard some secrets but lately he was raking in the gossip. Seniority must give you access to a lot of shit.

“Kinky and yes I do.”

“Your a gossipy bitch Kleinmen.”

“Tell me something I don't know.” And together the trio walked into the viewing room.

*************************************

“Wow, that movie literally sucked ass.” Were Connor's first words out of the room.

“I know right it totally messed with cryptid culture and I am offended.” Jared sighed out loud.

“R-really? I liked it. I-it didn't scare me so that's good too.”

“Hansen you are fucking pathetic.” Connor looked down disapprovingly.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Shhhhhh don’t listen to the suicidal fuckboy. You are perfect.” Jared said wrapping his arms around the back of Evan.

“Yeah I know this as well.” Evan told them and stuck his tongue out at Connor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment(especially if I spelled something wrong)and leave a Kudos if you liked it enough. If you want my tumblr ask.


	5. Snow day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boi it cold and yall going to get stuck in a snow storm or something smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this chapter and myself but ok

Winter's first snow is always breathtaking it is always captivating. As Connor woke up from his sub-par slumber he noticed the white powder piled up on top of his windowsill. At first, he gasped at it filled with delight but then the dread came.

 

_ Uhhgggg great now I have to trudge through the snow to get to school. _

 

Groggily he checked his phone’s clock and then proceed to choke on air for a full minute. It was 10:00. He was so extremely late for school. Despite the fact that he despised school and most of what it stood for couldn't keep missing days like this.

 

Connor bolted down the stairs to the kitchen and saw his father, Larry, standing near the back entrance to the patio bundled up in multiple coats and holding a heavy duty shovel.

 

“Ah, son so glad you could wake up and join the rest of the living today.” Larry’s gruff voice spoke making Connor slightly more awake with each syllable.

 

“Yeah, um why are you here? Shouldn't you be off at work?”

 

“Son, are you so high right now that you can't see it's snowing?”

 

“What does that even- yes I can see that it's snowing!”

 

“One, don’t raise your damn voice at me and two it's more that four inches out there, schools canceled.”

 

“Ohhhhhh yessssssss. BLESS THE FLYING SKYMAN!” Connor excitedly said as he went and jumped onto the couch ready to spend the day watching Netflix.

 

“God.”

 

“Wha-”

 

“I think you meant to say God.” His father's voice was stern which sent a shiver up his spine. His lazy day to watch Netflix was over and Connor knew that he should get out of the house soon.

 

“Mmmhmmm God yeah. Anyway, where's mom?” Connor asked desperate to change the topic. His father was a religious man who wasn't too happy to have queer kids and although Larry kept his mouth shut he would always secretly pray that this was all a phase. That Connor would go back to being a girl and Zoe didn't really love Alana.

 

“At the gym and Zoe is doing an economy project in the basement with her friend Alana.”

 

“Oh okay.” Connor looked around unable to meet his dad’s eye. He used the word  _ friend _ for Alana which made Connor shift uncomfortable.

 

God this house was cursed.

 

******************************************************************

 

Evan woke up to a sticky note on top of his forehead. It read ‘today is a snow day kiddo so now school but i still gotta go to work. Lots of patients to treat.’

 

Oh so he was alone in his house...great. Evan had a great fear of being alone despite the fact that he had been alone most of his life. He took a few deep breaths and went through his morning routine.

 

A cold shower, eating a bowl of whatever cereal was in the pantry and brushing his teeth.

 

Looking down at his phone to check if anyone had messaged him even though he knew the answer. Or he thought he knew the answer. An unknown person had messaged him.

 

**_UNKNOWN_ ** : Hey Connor Murphy here i need to come over now i might shoot my brains out

 

**_Acorn:_ ** oh hold on do u know where i live?

 

**_UNKNOWN:_ ** yeah see u in 10

 

**_Acorn:_ ** is everything ok?

 

Evan got no response so he waited for Connor to arrive. He looked around realizing his house was a complete mess and debated with himself whether or not he should clean up but was interrupted mid argument by a doorbell.

 

_ What it's only been like, a few minutes oh shit and my house looks like a mess. He won't care will he? _

 

Rushing to the door Evan opened to reveal an obviously upset Murphy who was looking down at the cuffs of his pants.

 

“Connor?” Evan started with a question in mind but he had no intention of making this interaction more awkward so he waited for a good time to ask.

 

“H-hey...” Connor looked up from his cuffs while he said the word but put his head back down once more.

 

“Um so l-like, my house is a little messy a-and I'm s-sorry-”

 

“Hansen you apologize an awful lot. Have you ever thought of not being so apologetic?”

 

“You mean like you?” Evan asked with a skeptical face.

 

“Hell yeah like me! Unapologetic and proud, you know?”

 

“Oh n-no I lack the confidence for that.”

 

“Wow ok first off nobody said anything about confidence and second off most of my actions are fueled by self-hatred.” Connor barked out with a laugh.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Hey grab a jacket come on we are going for a drive.” He said twirling the keys around his index finger.

 

W-what in this weather?” 

 

“Yeah it's only 27 degrees, Jesus you're not water you won't freeze.”

 

“I-I'm honestly as weak as w-water though.”

 

“Oh come on do you really want to spend your day holed up in your room?”

 

“No I guess not.” Evan sighed and shrugged. "where are we going?"

 

"It's a surprise!"

**************************************************************************

“Welcome to my childhood Hansen!” Connor shouted happily as the pair pulled up to an apple orchard that looked like nobody had touched it for years. An ivy-covered fence surrounded the trees.

 

“Didn't this place close down a couple of years ago?” Evan recalled from hearing town outrage over the decision to close it. Apparently, it was an excellent place for picnics and peaceful strolls.

 

“Yeah but all you have to do is jump the fence and bam, your in.” Connor said Matter-o-factly as he began to scale the fencing.

 

“W-what? Isn't that l-like b-breaking and entering?” Evan stared back at the boy with a frightened look.

 

“It isn't like anything- it  _ is  _ breaking and entering but you won't get caught ‘cuz you're with me.” The boy jumped off on the other side of the fence with a smirk. When Evan still looked unconvinced Connor continued with “I swear to you that if we get caught I will say that I took you as a hostage or something and you had nothing to do with this- just for the love of flying sky man get over here!”

 

“Flying sky man?” Evan asked with a pure smile as he jumped over the barrier, careful not to break his other arm.

 

“It's my name for god.” Connor started to say the sentence with a crooked smile that turned into a displeased frown. With that frown came Connors urge to scratch his arms.

 

“A-are you o-ok? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I-  _ that _ I did.” Evan tried to stutter out an apology that wasn't necessary. He started to tug and twist the bottom of his jacket.

 

The cloud started to become overcast as if to match the mood of the forest right now.

 

“Hm oh n-no Evan you didn't do anything I was...I was just thinking.” Connor fell to temptation and started to run his nails along the side of his arm. Evan noticed but figured he would stop after a while. Evan was wrong.

 

“Oh do you wanna m-maybe tell me what y-you were thinking about?” Evan asked leading them to an apple tree. The two slumped down and sure the ground was wet and cold but panic was much easier to controll sitting down. Patiently Evan waited for an answer. 

 

“Kinda? It's just,” Connor spoke out, scratching even harder “my dad he's been giving me a hard time and I...I don't know how to make it better?” Tears started to swell up in Connor's eyes.

 

“I mean, I know I'm not the child he wanted but neither was Zoe but she- she gets the grades and the praise of peers and It's just not fucking fair! I know she has her own struggles but I-I-I I don't know- I’m sorry.” He cried out leaning on top of Evan’s shoulder.

 

Evan didn't truly understand what he was supposed to do. Many a time's Jared had been in the place of comfort and handled it well but Evan wasn't Jared. All Evan could do was hold onto Connor and hope that the episode would be over.

 

Over five minutes passed and the boys were still in the same position so Evan figured he should try a new tactic. Turning his head slightly he gave the sobbing boy a forehead kiss. It was something he had read could make someone less anxious and thought it was worth a shot although, the aftermath of the action if it didn't work was somewhat alarming. Nevertheless, Evan persisted. It was light and quick but Connor didn't seem to mind so Evan kept going. 

 

Each kiss was delicate and soft. Evan, feeling a bit weird after a few of them, stopped but Connor mumbled between sobs “K-k-keep going, i-it's ok.”

 

So he did and slowly but surely Connor’s cries died down to inconsistent sniffles. The boys sat in silence for a few beats before Connor spoke “Messing with my hair also works if  _ this _ happens again to keep that in mind.”

 

“Y-yeah o-ok and sorry about the invasion of privacy.” Evan said looking down at the snow.

 

“No! I mean no, it helped a lot.Thank you. Look I didn't even tear the skin much with my scratching. Really...thank you”

 

A thank you from Connor Murphy was the equivalent of seeing a phoenix an unicorn and a dragon in one day, it didn't happen. A really wide grin cracked on Evan's face and spread from ear to ear.

 

“Hey Ev?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You look really cute right now and I want to kiss you really badly.”

 

“Wh-wha-t?”

 

“Can I kiss you?” Connor asked but didn't wait for an answer he just went for it. And a part of him was internally screaming at how brash of a decision that was but another part of him was just happy he followed through with something.

 

However, the other boy leaned into the kiss. Evan’s lips were smooth in contrast to Connor's slightly chapped ones. Evans unbroken arm wrapped around Connor and pulled the two even closer together. Every exchange was tender and fluid. Evan was a very passionate kisser and in the spur of the moment decided that biting Connors' lip was a good idea. Oh god, it was a great idea.

 

Connor moaned as Evan proceeded to passionately kiss down the left side of his neck searching for something to make the boy moan again. Evan ended up finding a gem, near Connor’s collarbone was a very sensitive spot and when Evan bit into it the boy's breath was stolen.

 

A soft high pitched “E-evan” escaped Connor.

 

“Hmm?” Evan inquired still playing around with the other teen's collarbone.

 

“For someone with anxiety, you sure know how to please a person.” He purred.

 

“Uh-hmm. I’ve had some practice now shut up and go back to enjoying this.”

 

_ Commanding Evan, huh? I like it.  _ Connor thought as he let his brain go numb.

 

Connor ended up falling asleep on top of Evan and the awake teen had some thinking to do. Despite the fact that it was freezing outside the fling had made the both warm

 

_ What the fuck was that? Why would I do that? Oh, my god, am I going to have to forget this happened or what? I mean he seemed to like it. Should I ask Jared what to do?  _ Evans mind jumbled around as he looked at Connor who was peacefully taking a nap.

 

Evan suddenly realized what he’d left on the teen's body and marveled at his work. A few scattered bite marks and hickeys in some very noticeable places. 

 

Pulling out his phone Evan texted Jared.

 

**_Acorn:_ ** I did something….

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** ill get the shovels u get the body bag 

 

**_Acorn:_ ** stop no

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** oh not murder….

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** ok

 

**_Acorn:_ ** i made out with Connor and idk wat to do?

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** Murphy? Nice are there any marks?

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** also whats wrong????????????

 

**_Acorn:_ ** yes there r marks and the problem is idk if i like him?

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** send pics or it didnt happen

 

So even sent pictures of the bit marks.

 

**_Insanelycool:_ ** Holy fucking shit...acorn you're an artist.

 

**_Acorn:_ ** Aware(learned from the best) now help meeeeeeeeee

  
**_Insanelycool:_ ** cant it's ur problem bro! bye

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments, critics, and kudus are welcome


	6. I like my men how I like my ice. Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh Zoe needs her own chapter one day!
> 
> um the snow and stuff
> 
> small hamilton reference(i hate myself)

Dark gray clouds covered the majority of the sky now and Evan argued with himself whether or not he should wake Connor up. The sleeping teen looked so peaceful and at ease which was a change to his resting bitch face a mean demeanor. Still, laying on the snow for too long could give the both of them hypothermia and the sky looked like it was about to cry open.

 

“C-Connor you sh-should wake up.” Evan said softly nudging the other boy.

 

“Mhm ok…”

 

“There looks like a s-storms coming so w-we should get going, ok?”Evan spoke standing from his spot near the tree. There was a large grove where he had laid. Reaching out to the laying boy he told him “Come on I will help you up.”

 

“You have a broken arm you can't help shit. I can get up myself.” Connor informed Evan.

 

“O-ok well then can w-we go b-before a snow storm hits?”

 

“Fine. Hop into the car and we’ll get going, I guess.”

 

The two sat in the car and Connor started the engine as snow started to fall down from the sky. As they drove the snow got heavier and they rode in silence. That was until Evan broke the quiet “U-um I I k-kinda did something- or I guess some things and like you should know I-”

 

“You mean the bite marks? Nicely done by the way.” Connor interrupted with a smirk “You know Ev, I never took you for the type to leave marks.”

 

Evans face turned scarlet and heated up. “A-ah yeah I guess I d-don't seem the k-kind huh.” He said tugging at his jacket. “U-um if you want I can cover them up-”

 

“Now why would I do that?” Connor asked turning his head from the blurry, snowy road to Evan. “I mean, look at this fucking masterpiece.” He told Evan gesturing to his marks.

 

“Your parents won't mind?” Evan asked.

 

“I doubt they will even notice.” Connor told him still looking away from the road.

 

“Really I-” Evan started but was interrupted by the car jerking and the tires screeching as the car slide.

 

“Fucking hell!” Connor exclaimed holding the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. 

 

“What was that?”

“Black ice.” Connor explained with a foul expression.

 

The pair were now on the side of the road and Evan offered to check the tires while Connor made sure the Engine still worked. One tier was completely slashed by ice and rocks and another tire had a hole in it but was still driveable.

 

“Shit. Where are we? I should call someone...”

 

“Um-” Evan said taking his phone out of his jacket pocket only to find its screen had a hairline fracture.  _ Damn it  _ He thought as he pulled up Google maps. Turns out they weren't too far from home, only about 6.5 miles out.

 

“Well if we are that close we could theoretically walk.” Connor shrugged.

 

“U-um no! Walking in freezing temperatures is not my forte.”

 

“Princess it's not anybody's preferred mode of transportation but what can you do?” Connor snorted.

 

“Call. Like you s-said we should call somebody.” Evan suggested.

 

“But who would pick us up? Not my parents that's for sure. Not Zoe-”

 

“And m-my mom is at work so who's left?”

 

“No one.”

 

“N-not true we have one last person!”

 

“And who's that?”

 

“Jared!

 

“Kleinman? Is his lazy ass even up?” Asked Connor “I don't think he responds to anything not gossip related until 3 pm”.

 

“Yeah he’s up” Evan said recalling his unhelpful chat with Jared.

 

So Evan texted him and waited. And Jared read it but never responded to it. So nervously the next thing he did was call him. Evan hated talking on the phone because it required using vocal cords which meant, in his case, inevitable stuttering. But Jared didn't answer and the boys were stuck in a snow and ice storm that seemed to be getting worse.

 

_ Fuck me! This is just great…  _ Connor thought angrily as he sunk into the car seat.

 

“Wh-what about a tow truck? I mean ar-aren't those supposed to come and help stranded people l-like us?”

 

“There callers are backed upped so it's no god damn luck.”

 

They sat in absolute silence for the next ten minutes, worrying inside their own heads. It's not like the teens had not experienced snow storms but the forecast on the weather app said that hail would start at approximately two pm.

 

Connor checked the time. It was quarter until two.

 

Great.

 

Evan, in the passenger side, stared out of the window with a pitiful look. The snow was beautiful on top of the trees and if he was in the warmth of his house he would love to paint the scene. However, he was stuck in a car with slashed tires and a most likely messed up undercarriage.

 

“Hey, do you see that- get up Evan and look!” Connor said in a hopeful tone.

 

A large red SUV car was driving on the the road behind them but slowed down as it got closer toward the pair.

 

“Hm? That's um Jared car...w-why is it,” Evan took a few moments to process. “Oh my god yes he came to save us, bless up!” 

 

Sure enough when the car pulled over Jared ran out and to Connor’s passage window.

 

“I came as soon as I heard!” He began with a panicked face.

 

“I-i-i- thought you h-had ignored my text and calls o-oh my god.” Evan blubbered out, tears of relief streaming down his face.

 

“It took you long enough.” Connor rolled his eyes.

 

Jared turned to him and said “Shut the hell up you emo piece of shit. First, off you should be happy I came at all. And second, do you need hot cocoa ‘cuz I stopped by Dunkin donuts before I came in case I needed to do damage control.”

 

“Did you buy munchkins too?” Connor asked leaning over the consol. It would seem that Jared had peeked his interest.

 

“You know it boi. But the only way to get them is to get into my freaking car so let's go.”

 

“Wait! What a-are you g-going to do with your car if all the tow truck services are backed up?” Evan asked in confusion. It is not like they could just leave a car on the side of the road right? Apparently, the could and they did.

 

Connor just shrugged at the question and exited the broken car. He told Evan “It's fine I don't even think I have a driver's license right now anyway so like, who gives a shit.”

 

“What?” 

 

“Yeah he ran over a grandma because she was in his way-” Jared tried to tell the confused boy but was cut off.

 

“No I didn't mean to almost kill the old lady but she  _ was  _ in my way-” Connor said defensively.

 

“Um no? She was on a crosswalk. She had the right of way dude.”

 

“Listen we will continue this argument in the car because it's cold, ok? Come on Evan.”

 

The two bickering boys got into the front seats and Evan slowly climbed into the back. Connor shoved his face full of donuts and ate way too much one person.

 

“So about those marks, Murphy?” Kleinman asked with a knowing look.

 

“Oh you know the usual just your average, anxious, small, terrified bean over here,” Connor pointed to Evan, “Is hella kinky.”

 

“He has a tree kink too.” Jared laughed.

 

“NO! N-no I don't stop telling people that!”

 

“Ok acorn, ok,” Jared replied shaking his head. “You know Connor, you have me, Kinky Kleinman to thank for Evans taste in...love bites.”

 

“Really now because in my bathroom you were the most basic-ass vanilla person out there.”

 

“Lies and slander. You know nothing.”

 

 

“Sure dude.”

 

Evan couldn't help but let out a small giggle(which he did very rarely because he found his true laugh to be to 'girlish') at the twos playful arguing. The sound shook Jared and Connor to the core and they both thought the same thing,  _Oh god that was really cute! How have I never heard that before?_

 

After about twenty minutes of battling, the snow Jared dropped the boys off at their respective houses. But even after departing Kleinman and Murphy couldn't stop thinking about that small but joyful sound. They both wanted to hear it again and again forever.

 

***************************************************

 

Alana was doing the majority of the economics project by herself. It wasn't like Zoe wasn't there- I mean she was physically but mentally? Not at all. Alana worried about her girlfriend but never voiced her thoughts because if know one else noticed an odd tick in behavior then It probably wasn't real, right?

 

It was almost three in the afternoon and neither of them had eaten lunch. Zoe claimed she wasn't hungry but she also skipped breakfast because she supposedly woke up late. Alana didn't believe any of that.

 

Zoe’s appearance had changed drastically over the course of a few weeks. Her face was paler then normal, her nails, Alana guessed, were purple from malnutrition as Zoe was wearing her brother's black nail polish and she hated nail polish.

 

“I’m going up to the kitchen to retrieve some food alright? You should come along.” Alana chimed and stood up from her chair.

 

“Wha- no I am totally not hungry,” Zoe responded after snapping out of her own mind.

 

“Nonsense, you must be starving.”

 

“Re-really I am fine right now.” Zoe stammered out. _ God,  _ she thought  _ I shouldn't make Alana fret like this. _

 

Alana stared back at the girl in obvious discomfort. How was she going to convince Zoe to eat? Perhaps it was time to talk to the Murphys about how to rescue her from the downward spiral she was falling through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Also, the title is something me and my friend heard over the metro in D.C.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Galaxy girls? I dont know her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im alive and well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the E X T R E M E delay in content i just....the cannon DEH storyline was hitting too close to home for a few weeks and i had to take a break. BUT I AM BACK SO Y E AH

“...In conclusion that is why I believe our Zoe may or may not have fallen back into her Anorexia disorder.” Alana finished speaking to the girl in questions parents, her voice uncharacteristically shaky.

 

“What! This is outrageous Alana!” Larry started with a loud, booming voice. “You can't come into our home and suggest that our child still has an eating disorder. She was already checked out.”

 

“Last year!” Cried Alana “that was nearly a year ago! This is an illness and sometimes illnesses come back! Please just check on her please…” her voice quivered.

 

“Oh honey dear don't cry we-" Cynthia said placing her hand on the worried girlfriend's shoulder but was pulled back by her husband’s harsh hands.

 

“Don't try to console this bitch! She wants us to pay more money for a perfectly healthy child. I think I would know about my child's health, don't you?” He spat out the question to no the entire room.

 

“I know you may think that you are seeing all sides of the story but-” Alana tried to explain but was cut off by larry forcefully escorting here out of the house.

 

Cynthia gave a small wave goodbye and sighed as she closed the front door. Perhaps Alana was correct about her assumptions but it didn't matter because if her husband didn't believe them, she couldn't.

 

****************************

 

 _Presidentpurple has created a groupchat at_ ** _1:24 pm_** _with Acorn, Insanelycool, and 420killme._

 

_Presidentpurple has changed the chat to ZOE PROTECTION SQUAD_

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** WTH Alana why am I in a group chat rn?????????

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** um are you all going to blow up my phone because i really hate that.

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** Hello acquaintances I have you all into this chat because I am worried about Zoe

 

 **_420killme:_ ** WHaT???????????????? wHAT IS wrOnG WIth ZoE??????

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** Please type correctly. Also I hav reason to believe that Zoe Murphy has fallen into a slight depression and her her Anorexia is most likely back as well.

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** *have

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ **  why am i hear tho?????

 

 **_420killme:_ ** just stay this could be serous and we need you!!!!!!

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** *serious. And yes I added you for a reason so please don't leave.

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** I need you to all to convince her parents that she is in large trouble, or at least that she requires a physical done.

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** i don’t know why you don’t just tell her parents

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** ye alana u are like super smart just convince them

 

 **_420killme:_ ** ummmmmmmmmmm who do u think our parents are

 

 **_420killme:_ ** They like to assume that problems aren't real and when presented with an issue the fuckers just ignore it…..she won't get help unless something like las time happened

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** *last

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** what happened last time????? Fill me in?????????? Pls

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** yeah what happened??

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** unimportant

 

 **_420killme:_ ** ^^^^^^ what she said ^^^^^^

 

************************************************

 

Jared stared at Connor with a worried smile. The long haired boy was laying next to him in a large queen size bed smoking. His binder was removed and he was filled with manufactured bliss and comfort. Now, Jared hardly ever smoked simply because it never made sense to spend money on it however, Connor was offering in his house so when it rome do as the romans.

 

He took a hit after Connor, breathing in and out. He sputtered a bit but nothing wild and sat back in the bed.

 

Connor had a delayed laugh at Jared's half assed attempt and rolled his eyes.

 

The two went on like this for what seemed like forever, Jared silently fretting about both the Murphy children mental health and Connor getting higher than a kite.

 

Finally, Jared said something with a slight lift in his voice, “Hey do you know where Cynthia is? I just wanna talk.”

 

“What...are..are you going to beat up my mom? ‘Cuz i-i'll help you man.” The high as fuck teen answered the question, but not really.

 

“Buddy, edge lord, babe when is your fake mother-figure coming home?”

 

“I don't know Kleinman, maybe like never? She's almost never home a-and I don't know when she'll come back...fuck.” He began to scrunch his face in disgust as he thought about his mother.

 

“Dad? Or hell even Zoe?”

 

“She was inside like, i don't know how long ago my sense of time is shitty right now but I do know that they’re gone... they are all gone because who wants to spend time with a goddamn psycho?” Connor had got this conversation hurtling down into self deprecating town real quick.

 

“Woah there,” Kleinman began to say as he cupped his hands around the other boys face, “I don't appreciate you talking shit about my boy, school shooter, so if you don't learn how to shut the fuck up I might have to fight you.” He finished with an extremely serious expression.

 

The Murphy boy sighed and removed Jared hands. “Ah, I-I-I completely overrated and I'm sorry-"

 

“It's not completely your fault and I'm sorry for bringing up your parents.”

 

“Why the hell are you so perfect? Connor muttered with a fond look as he went to pull Jared close.

 

The other boy embraced the cuddle and with a genuine smile replied with “I have the same question for you.”

 

***************************

 

Zoe stared at the sky with a glossy expression. She was contemplating what to do right now because she was hungry, really hungry but she couldn't...she just couldn't bring herself to eat. Instead of gaining nutrients she was laying on her back in her pool that was supposed to be closed as it was the dead of winter.

 

She glanced at her phone that kept glowing and beeping on the concrete edge. Alana was trying to get in touch with her but she couldn't keep having Alana be so clingy and worried. _Maybe_ She thought, still floating in the water, _I should just break up with her? I mean it's not like I need her and she is so dang needy always wondering where I am and if I ate like, shit man.”_

 

She reached for her phone and sent a quick impulsive message.

 

 **_Zo-has-got-dough:_ ** Were over Alana sorry but your too fucking clingy and I need some space….so now I'm your acquaintance, not your girlfriend.

 

Alana read the message repeatedly over the course of hours. What the hell had she done? Did Zoe’s parents make her do this? Damn it… she called her closest acquaintance and prayed he would pick up because she needed to talk to someone before she drowned in her own sorrow.

 

*************************

Evan saw his phone light up and assumed it was Connor or Jared but to his surprise it was the smartest person he knew. She was calling and she knew how much Evan hated phone calls so it must have been important even still he declined the call and opted for a text message

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** Sorry I hate phone calls can we text out our feelings today?

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** off cou re s I'm sorry I frog0t thattt

 

 _What on earth?_ Evvan thought with confusion. Was the most uptight and proper woman he's ever met crytyping?

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** are you alright?? What's wrong

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** zo just brke up w// me an i fell lik shit,,,,,dont evn kno iif she has eat ten,,,,,,,,,,.....

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** what? You're perfect for each other??????

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** Did you ask her what the reason was?

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** shww didnt tel me

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** shw wnt anser

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** She wont answer you?? Um ill call connor because this seems important

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** wht???????????????? you don't like fone cals tho

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** Yeah but this seems hella important.

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** rylly???? Thxxxx mannn,,,,,,,,,

 

And so Evan called Connor but when the other teen picked up he sounded like hell.

 

“What do you want Hansen?” He said sharply, like he was already impatient of the conversation.

 

“I-i uhm…. So basic- so Alana-” Evan tried to stutter out but the voice on the other line cut him off.

 

“Spit it out”

 

“R-right o-of course,” _who is this? This can’t truly be Connor right? He would never cut me off so rudely, right?_ Thought Evan as he continued his statement. “Alana and Zoe broke up” He spit out.

 

“And I care because?” The harsh voice continued.

 

“W-w-w-well she i-is your-”

 

“Fucking hell Hansen I don't care what she does with her own life!”

 

“B-but-”

 

The line then disconnected leaving a hurt Evan and a grouchy Connor.

 

Evan needed answers quick. He had put himself out there to talk on the phone and his attempt had been futile. He felt like curling up in a ball and crying but he opted for something a little bit more helpful.

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** I made connor mad and idk what i did

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** pls help

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** o i just came from his house and hes super high man so hes like not the best person to talk to,,,kinda likes to yell and be a piece of trash human when hes like this

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** don't talk tol him until he sobers up ok? Hes fine for a couple of hours and then he gets like this soooooo yeah

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** how long will that take???????????

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** an hour give or take

 

 **_Insanleycool:_ ** why? Whats up?

 

Evan never responded to that message after all he didn't know if Alana wanted the school gossip to know that the girls had broken up. It seemed so out of the blue and unnatural, like something bigger than her had told her to do it.

 

He was just about lost in all the sea of drama when an idea stuck into his head. What if he arranged a dinner or meeting with the Murphy adults. Surely they knew what was going on with her right? How would he go executing such a plan you might ask, well leave that to the Zoe Protection squad.

 

 

 _ZOE PROTECTION SQUAD_ **_11:27 pm_ **

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** i want a dinner w/ the murphys

 

 **_420killme:_ ** what no

 

 **_Acorn:_ **  ohhhhhh i see u have sobered up enough to respond to text? How about you apologize for being an ass?

 

 **_420killme:_ ** what the hell are you talking abt?

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** Idfk maybe when you yelled at me after i called you

 

 **_420killme:_ ** what

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** I called you and you yelled at me

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** for what idk bc all i asked was if you knew why Zo and ‘lana broke up

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** ass

 

 **_420killme:_ ** the galaxy girls split??? What i don't remeber hearing that….

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** woah boys stop the drama….lets get back on track….

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** Maybe u don't remeber bc you were to busy acting like a freak??????????

 

Oh shit, perhaps Evan had gone too far because Murphy did not respond throughout the rest of the conversation, however he did read the messages.

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** wjat ar u blwing upp my phone 4?

 

 **_Insanelycool:_ ** are you crytyping alana?

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** stfu

 

 **_Acorn:_ ** ohhhhhhhh shit!!!!!

 

 **_Presidentpurple:_ ** Y do u wanna,,,,,,meat w// the murys?

 

 **Acorn:** So we can figure out whats wrong with Zoe of course

 

 **Insanelycool:** but her parents are shit? Why would they know anything??????

 

 **Acorn:** it's a start

 

 **Presidentpurple** : hes rght

 

************************************

 

School was going to be hell. Evan could feel it as he ate his breakfast. He attempted to calm his nerves by writing a letter earlier that morning but it hadn't gone well.

 

Dear Evan Hansen,

 

Today is going to be a good day and here's why! I'm going to see Jared and maybe Alana is in a better place since a day has passed from the break-up. I doubt it thought. Connor probably won’t want to talk to me though so that's kind of a bummer….but whatever.

 

                                                                                       Sincerely,

                                                                                                    Me

 

************************************

 

Cynthia Murphy was concerned about her daughter, she really was. It's just that she tried so hard to not be that helicopter parent, y’know? And she trusted that Zoe would come to her with any problems. Then again that blind faith is what lead Connor to his first suicide attempt back in the seventh grade.

 

Connor was tired. Tired of pretending to be a female. Tired of not being able to express his feeling correctly.

 

Tired of being sick.

 

He figured that no one cared about him; that his mother didn't ask questions about his school life often because she didn't care. Cynthia cared a whole lot but her kindness was overshadowed by her husbands unfriendly demeanor.

 

Once upon a time she was sure that Larry had been a good person, she just didn't recall a time. She sat in the makeshift backseat of the one person motorcycle that was parenthood. She disliked her familia standing but what was she to do? After all she was a powerless housewife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS MAKE MY DAYYYYYYY
> 
> SO DO KUDOS


	8. Bandage up those cuts kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They. Go. To. School. And. Then. Make. Plans.
> 
> Tw: underage alchaol use

Connor spotted Evan nervously shuffling up the campuses main steps and debated whether or not to approach him. Apparently, an apology was in order and they still needed to plan a luncheon or dinner with the Murphys.

 

His parents were busy people and they didn't often eat dinner together. In fact Connor couldn't remember the last time the whole f family sat down at the table to eat a meal.

 

He and Evan locked eyes and Evan swiftly moved through the crowd to escape him.

 

Connor sighed, shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked into the high school. It was going to be an excruciatingly long day.

 

The usual keen and curious eyes followed Connor as he entered the school. Whispers surrounded him and nervous glances were shot him as way. Ignoring them he forcefully opened up his locker and then exasperatedly groaned.

 

It had only been like, four minutes into the school day and he already wished it was over.

 

*******************

 

Evan was terrified of facing Connor. What was he supposed to say? “Sorry for calling you by a word that obviously causes you distress!”

 

Evan felt an overwhelming amount of guilt until he remembered how Connor snapped at him. Shuddering at the memory he vowed that he would avoid anyone from his friend group today.

 

I mean, how hard could it be?

 

Very, very hard at a scale from 1 to 10, it's a 20 trying to dodge your friends. He had second period with Jared and they sat right next to each other, per Evans requests. Right now he really wished he shut up and let the teacher put him wherever.

 

Evan sat in his seat with a loud thump and trained in eyes straight ahead at his Math teacher, Mrs. Cayer. Jared slipped into class about fifteen minutes late but wasn't called out by the teacher.

 

However she did throw him a side eye.

 

“What did I miss?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Evan opened his mouth to say something but then remembered his pact he made with himself.

 

“Evan? Dude I'm asking a simple question.”

 

When he kept silent Jared reached over to tap his shoulder. Evan still didn't react despite all bones in his body telling him that this plan was rude and unnecessary.

 

Evan bolted out of the classroom once the bell rang and he and out to his third period art class and left his friend confused and a bit worried.

 

While heading to art studio two, where his class was held, Alana came up to ask about midterms.

 

“Hey are aware if midterms are before winter break or after?”

 

Sticking to his ‘not talking to friends’ thing he just shrugged.

 

She furrowed her her brow and twisted her mouth but didn't say anything else.

 

**************************

 

Connor was about to skip the rest of school after fourth period just to avoid an awkward lunch with the group however, Alana and Jared tackled him before he could slip out the black box theater side doors.

 

“Where do you-” Kleinman started.

 

“Think you're going?” Beck finished the sentence.

 

Punishing them of his body he replied: “Somewhere that's not here.”

 

“No you and Acorn need to apologize to each other!” Exclaimed Jared with disbelief. “Were you seriously going to actually skip just to avoid a conversation with your boyfriend?”

 

“Not my boyfriend” Retorted Connor with a glare.

 

Alana rolled her eyes and spoke up “Ok you guys may not be dating but you're close. And I would like to keep it that way, no?”

 

“I'm sorry but what the hell am I supposed to say, ‘Sorry for being a god-damn ass. I don't even know what the fuck I did but I don't doubt for a second that I was a jerk and probably made you feel like shit.’”

 

“Just apologize like you do with me, Con.” Jared calmly suggested.

 

“Those always sound shitty and bad though.” Connor said with confusion.

 

“Yeah,” Alana agreed “however they come from your heart.”

 

****************************

Evan was trying to figure out whether or not his plan would be put on hold during lunch. He figured the main guy he was avoiding was going to ditch so that made his life marginally easier. Much to Evans surprise, the Murphy he had been expecting to have left was already sitting at the usual lunch table.

 

Evan tried to hightail out of the cafeteria but his escape attempt was cut short by Connor projecting his voice, “Hansen get over here.”

  


This was it, the end of Dear Evan Hansen. He took a few deep breaths and shuffled over to the teen who called him.

 

“Ye-yes Con-”

 

“Stop talking.” Connor said sharply.

 

“S-s-sor-"

 

The Murphy boy raised his right hand to silence the stuttering teen. “Listen I'm sorry about what I did to you...to be honest I don't fucking know what the hell I did buy I have an idea so I'm sorry.”

 

“Fo-for w-what?” Evan asked hoping for a more sincere apology.

 

Zoe widened her eyes at this exchange. She was at the table next over to the rest of the group since she thought it would be weird to sit with her ex but she could hear the whole conversation. She didn't totally know what was going on but she was intrigued.

 

“Are you really going to make me do this, Ev?”

 

When Evan didn't respond Connor sighed “Sorry Ev, for yelling at you- at least that's what I think I did- on a phone call, which I know you don't do often. Yeah I'm sorry.”

 

A wide smile broke out onto Hansen's face, “Ye-yeah a-and I'm sorry for for calling you...that word.”

 

“Hey,” Jared stage whispered with a smirk, “Hug it out my boys." Alana nodded in agreement.

 

“UHG” They said in unison but carried out the request.

 

Quickly Jared whipped out his smartphone and took a bunch of photo-burst, he smug smirk growing.

 

“Delete that, Kleinman” Commanded Connor.

 

Jared considers his request for about a millisecond before standing his ground. “Nope Conman! You two looked way too freaking adorable and I'm loving how gay y’all get.”

 

“Did you just use y’all unironically?”Alana questioned with a laugh.

 

“Yes and I am proud of my vocabulary so shut it.”

 

Lunch went on as normal as it could. Everyone danced around the fact Alana was single but never bluntly said it. The last thing the boys wanted to do was put salt into an open wound.

 

***********************

 

Zoe was about to head to her last and favorite class of the day, World Geography. (She loved that the class was an easy ‘A’ because the teacher literary had given up on teaching.) When she was interrupted mid-walk by her brother.

 

“We are having our friends over for dinner  on Wednesdays, and yes Alana will be there.”

 

“‘Lana gonna be there?” She asked uncomfortably playing with her hands.

 

“That's what the hell I said.”

 

“Right of course it's just that that sounds like a bad idea.” She explained.

 

“Your ex can do whatever the fuck she wants and you can't control her" And with that he turned away from his sister to go to his next class.

 

Zoe was no longer excited over her favorite class.

 

*************************

 

Larry and Cynthia were fighting about the dinner situation. What the exact problem Connor doubted anyone in the house knew but the fight was raging and annoying the hell out of him. So he left the house and even offered to drive his sister somewhere but she declined.

 

 **_420KILLME:_ ** _I'm coming over_

 

 **_INSANELYCOOL:_ ** wen??¿¿??¿¿

 

 **_420KILLME:_ ** now im,,,,,,3 mins away

 

 **_INSANELYCOOL:_ ** rn¿¿¿??? uhhhh doors open

 

 **_INSANELYCOOL:_ ** Holld on man r yu textin & driving?

 

 **_420KILLME:_ ** ye

 

 **_INSANELYCOOL:_ ** u tryin to die¿!!??¡¡¡¿?

 

Connor walked into Jared’s house and the first word that came from his mouth was “Totally trying to die man.”

 

“ohhhhh Connor was coming over?” A soft voice said, “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“Is that Evan?” Connor asked.

 

“Yuppp" Replied a clearly buzzed Jared.

 

Walking past the foray and into the kitchen/living room combination Connor noticed a few six-packs of beer, a bottle of Merlot and a half gone glass of whiskey.

 

He also noticed Evan nursing a beer and watching _Grey's Anatomy season 13.(_ really has into that stuff? Connor found relationship drama boring and the fake medical cases comical.)

 

Picking up the Merlot and grabbing a glass from the cabinet Connor poured himself some wine but left it on the counter. “Where is Jared, Ev?” is the question that left his mouth but what he really wanted to ask was ‘when did you start drinking?’ and ‘do you smoke as well because if so we need to get married now’.

 

Look away from the t.v. Evan slurred “Check under the table.”

 

Sure enough, Jared was underneath the dining room table. “Hiiii!” he spoke way too loud .

 

“Hey- com-come on let's get you out of there.” Connor struggled to speak words as he removed Jared from the base of the table.

 

He dragged Kleinman over to the living room and plopped him down next to Evan who seemed mesmerized by Meredith Gray. “So you guys have gotten wasted without me?”

 

“Yeah Con but only when we are, like, in trouble or something!” Jared said once more, with extreme volume.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

Both boys on the couch glanced at each other as if trying to convey a message to one another but judging by the facial expressions neither one of them were understanding the ‘conversation’.

 

Huffing Evan told Connor what was on their mind “You are hot and we hate it.”

 

“Wh-w-what?” Connor was not only taken back by the bluntness but also the fact that Evan hadn't stuttered once tonight.

 

“Well I mean it's not fair you get the hair that's breathtakingly soft and the abs? And you have these bags under your eyes that are really nice. Usually, bags look bad like, really horrid on people but you look…” Evan trailed off searching for the right word.

 

“greattt!” Jared suggested and he sounded like the Kellogg's flakes tiger.

 

“Oh my god and you eyes are so beautiful,” Evan continued, “their pretty blue with...a little bit of brown?! Oh, sweet Jesus, you have Heterochromia- he has Heterochromia Jared! I'm so gay man? Uhh why are you so drop dead gorgeous?” A frustrated Evan exclaimed with extreme (bisexual) passion.

 

Connor couldn't handle complements so right now he had melted to the ground his face blazing.

 

“Ha- you didn't know he had bits of brown in his eyes? Even I knew that. He is such boyfriend material for _me_.” Jared snorted.

 

“You has sex with him that's not fair! You most likely know every part of him.”

 

“Truue he has a cute mole on hi-”

 

If Murphy’s face could turn into a literal tomato it would. His ears and face burned bright red. “Sh-shut up Kleinman! I want to know when pure Evan started drinking.” Connor was desperate to change the topic.

 

Did Evan honestly think he was attractive? It was probably just the alcohol talking but still, it was flattering. And Jared, he knew that Jared found him hot but boyfriend material? That was a new development. What were these two doing to him?

  


“Well, you might wanna get your own drink for this buddy.” Chuckled Jared. Evan exaggerated an eye roll.

 

Moving over to the kitchen to grab his wine Connor said “Alrighty tell me your tales”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make me wake up in the morning guyssss! Hope you enjoyed this chapter <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: i hate when ppl make Larry seem so bad! i bet he was trying hard but not hard enough for Connor.
> 
> also me: what if,,,,,Larry was a physically and emotionally abusive ass????????????
> 
> zoe deals with her parents fight, sincerely three kiss kiss fall in love(its a love triangle rn but don't u worry kids ima fix it to be healthy), and Alana is there???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: domestic abuse  
> thank you all for these kudos,,,,,,,like wowowowowowowow Im glad y'all like it

Zoe sat solemnly on top her bed staring at her sheets. She had holed herself in her room during her parent's fight. Sighing she started scribbling stars on her jeans with a purple sharpie. A loud screech from her mom broke throughout the house and startled Zoe so bad she almost fell off her bed.

 

With a scowl, she realized she should have taken Connor’s offer to leave this wretched house. But where would she go, Alana didn't want to see her and she didn't really want to see her either. She had other friends like the ones she sat with at lunch but she wasn't close enough with them to just randomly show up.

 

The noise of from the dispute was dying down so Zoe decided to peek out from her door and sneak downstairs to make sure no blood had spilled.

 

On the kitchen floor lay her mother in a submissive stance. Her knees resting on the marble flooring. No crimson liquid had poured out but Cynthia had a bruise on the left side of her forehead.

 

Her father loomed over Mrs.Murphy with a grimace. He said in a sickly sweet voice “I wouldn't have to do this if you just agreed with me, baby"

 

Zoe s stomach lurched at her dad's words. She didn't even know what they were arguing about exactly but no problem should be solved with violence.

 

“Now repeat after me,” Mr. Murphy continued addressing to his wife who was still on her knees, “we will move the dinner to Friday because it's a more convenient day.”

 

 _Are you kidding me? He hit her over the date of a dinner! What. The. Fuck. Surely she won't repeat that after the degrading behavior he put her through_ Thought Zoe.

 

She repeated it with a wavering voice and Larry made her say it once more with more vigor.

 

_This is my family…_

 

_*******_

The T.v was paused, all three of them were quiet and Connor Murphy was ready for a storytime.

 

 _“Soooo_ basically in 7th grade-” Jared slurred.

 

“No dumb ass it was 8th grade.” Evan interrupted, with equally as slurred speech.

 

“No no it was definitely 7th-"

 

“Sweet boy no you are wrong because it was 8th gr-"

 

“Hey, can you get back to the story?”Connor asked sipping his wine, desperate for the conversation to go somewhere.”How about you say in the middle of Middle school?”

 

“Ok so in middle school Acorns anxiety was getting worse and I was a bit scared right,” Kleinman said “And I was worried ‘bout him y’know? So one day-”

 

“It was a night not a day-” Evan cut in.

 

“Fine. One night I find this old crusty off brand wine coolers in the basement bar that expired like forever ago but I was like, hey maybe this could help even with his problems.”

 

“It was a really stupid idea to mention alcohol though because my anxiety went through the roof. I kept thinking what if I got alcohol poisoning or I became an alcoholic. Or what if Jared’s parents found which I should have known would never happen ‘cuz they are both always away on business, but still. Of course, that didn't happen but I was still worried.”

 

“Eventually I got Evan to take a swig and he didn't die so we kept doing it. Like we said it's a ritual only when we have a severe shared problem, such as you being cute.”

 

Connor nearly spat out his merlot trying not to dwell on the compliments. “Okay well, how are you going to solve this ‘problem’?” He used air quotes.

 

“I don't know ‘cuz we haven't got drunk enough for that” Evan said honestly. Jared just shrugged.

 

 

“Is it even an issue that you find me a little bit-” Connor tried to speak However his sentence was broken by Jared.

 

“A lot a bit!”

 

“Is it even that bad that you find me ‘a lot a bit’ attractive? He resumed using air quotes once more. “You guys are attractive in you own right.”

 

“Ohhhhh trust me I know,” Jared said with a smug crooked grin.

 

Evan muttered a muffled “yeah thanks.”

 

“I'm serious Ev, look at yourself have you seen your hair? It's sandy blondish brown like beach sand! Who doesn't like the beach? No one that's who. And Kleinman your glasses? They are A + shit! Also, you are insanely cool and insanely good in bed.” Connor listed some of their best physical qualities.

 

“That last part about Jared is not true at all?” Evan laughed.

 

“That's not what you said last night!” The insulted teen fired back.

 

The pair continued to disagree about sex techniques and Murphy just smiled as he poured himself more wine. _I should get tipsy with them more often,_ He told himself.

 

“Oh my god this is pure gold.” He then declared out loud.

 

The arguing teens shot Connor a glare but continued with their discussion. When the fighting ceased the agreement both boys had decided upon was to let Connor decide. He wasn't too thrilled about that.

 

A competition to see who could rock his world better? Sound like a recipe for disaster but whether it was the boys on the couch looking at him expectantly, the beverages or both he complied.

 

“Kissing only.” He set up his boundaries hoping that this wasn't a complete mistake. (the contestants huffed at the kissing only rule.) “Kleinman you're first.”

 

Getting off the sofa Jared cupped the judges face with his right hand and went for his mouth wasting no time with delicate kisses. Starting off at a medium tempo Kleinman's left hand traveled up into Connor's hair and began playing with it. Evan sat drinking whiskey in envy as he watched Jared ruffle the long brunette hair.

 

Getting a little bored with what he was going he opened his mouth a tiny bit and with his lips and teeth grabbed Connor's bottom lip. The Murphy let out a yip of surprise that soon melted into a whine of pleasure.

 

Connor couldn't help but enjoy every moment of this. The kisses got quicker, more aggressive and a little more choppy but they were still amazing. Kleinman gripped his hair harder and if it wasn't for the fact that Connor had to still kiss Evan, he would have turned the encounter a lot more N.S.F.W.

 

Eventually, Evan cut in with a look of annoyance “My turn!” He exclaimed and pushed Jared out of the way.

 

Hansen’s style for kissing was so different than Jared's. He was slow and consistent with his speed. Evan started off with Connor's neck leaving little kisses on almost every part of it and then kissed both cheeks before closing the gap between their mouths.

 

Creating a small hole in his mouth Evan gently integrated his tongue into the kisses. Ev found out that the middle of Connor's tongue literally was the holy grail and targeted that area. Once again the Murphy boy flooded with pleasure and let out a low moan.The mix of the whiskey and wine on both of their breaths was intoxicating.

 

Jared rolled his eyes.

 

Evan pulled back and went back to his place on the sofa.

 

“Well? Who won?” Both teens spoke in synch with one another peering at a breathless Connor Murphy.

 

“Both. Both are good.” He responded which warranted some complaints.

 

“Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!” They chanted.

 

“I'm being completely honest you both were really, really, really...really great so I don't know what to say.”

 

“Fine fair enough tell us which one you would like to kiss again, right now,” Evan suggested.

 

“Both at the same time?” Connor answered with confusion. “I legitimately don’t know guys why is this so important?”

 

 

Both people on the couch just shrugged and gave a noncommittal “Just ‘cause.”

 

Connor let it go and turned the t.v back onto Gray's’ Anatomy.

 

 

**********

 

Alana was in a bad mood a very bad mood. Still bitter about being dumped she attempted to go through all the things she had done wrong. She made a pro and con sheet of the relationship and sent Zoe some pretty desperate text while searching for answers.

 

Alana never got a response but that was okay because she was going to have dinner with the Murphy family and hopefully get an answer to what she did wrong while convincing Zoe’s parents that her eating disorder was making a comeback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT MAKE MY DAYYYYYYY also im sorry about the kissing scene it wasnt that great but i tried!!!!!!!!!!!!(also kudos are cool too guys)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SINCERELY THREE/ SINCERELY TREE 
> 
> the boys go so school w/ small hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: freaking larry(mentioned) idk my dudes
> 
> also i produced a chapter in a reasonable amount of time!!!
> 
> thank you all for 120+ kudos im living rn!!!!!

Connor woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing wildly in his pocket.His head was pounding and he felt like shit. Hangovers suck ass. He was laying on the too small for three people couch with Evan curled on top of his abdomen and Jared at his legs.He had slept in his binder which was a bad idea and his breathing was a little constricted but he ignored the feeling. He was very cramped but didn't want to wake up the others.  Shimming to get his phone he saw a multitude of text and calls from his sister.

 

**_12 missed calls from:_ ** **_Zoe-has-got-dough_ **

 

**_11:46 pm_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ **  moms in urgent care rn bc of dad...also the diner is moved to fridayy

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** where r you? Come home

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** mom is goin to be fine btw

 

**_1:56 am_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** dad's mad rhat you arnt here

 

**_3:34 am_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** he's geting vicious abt you not being home...where are you?? We have school 

 

**_6:15 am_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** HS starts in hour

 

**_6:39 am_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ ** 35 mins

 

**_7:05 am_ **

 

**_Zoe-has-got-dough:_ **  ur going to be late bi bi bi

 

Checking the time it was 7:06. He contemplated waking everyone else up but decided against, if they wanted to get up they could do it on their own time.

 

A few seconds later Evan started to stir and finally flew his eyes open. “S-shit,” He exclaimed sitting as straight up as possible, “Get up guys! W-we are going to be la-late!”

 

“Hm? How about we not get up?” Jared questioned as Evan jumped off the sofa.

 

“No, we have to go to school! Mid-terms are coming up so we can't miss school. Right Connor?”

 

“Yeah good point.” He shrugged getting up leaving Jared all alone.

 

“This is my house so I can stay here all I want. So there!” Kleinman huffed definitely.

 

“No gossip for Jared then..." Baited Evan changing his shirt for one of Jared’s sweatshirt that was lying about in the dining room. 

 

“Fine I'll cave also is that mine?”

 

“Y-yes and I look adorable in so I am ke-keeping it on.”

 

“Whatever. Are we all going to change because I know I am.”

 

“I'm not changing.” Confirmed Connor who then realized that he had slept with his shoes on and felt a twang of guilt for putting them on the couch.

 

Jared like the drama king he was insistent on taking a shower and changing his entire outfit while Ev only changed his shirt.

 

The trio piled into the Murphy’s car and went off to school. They arrived 30 minutes late but who really cared because it was senior year. Okay, Evan cared but he cares about everything so that didn't really count.

 

**************

 

The final bell rang for the day and kids ran out of the school. Connor was a little bit terrified after reading the text from Zoe. What if his dad was still in a pissy mood? What if Larry felt like getting physical? He couldn't handle that today or ever really. He walked up to his car when suddenly Evan tapped him on the shoulder.

 

“Jared a-and I k-kinda ne-need a ride.” He started figuring with the laces of his borrowed sweatshirt. His nervous energy was radiating from him at an extreme rate.

 

“Oh okay...where is Jared?”

 

“A-around...just wa-wait a m-moment.”

 

“Are you alright? You seem hella nervous? Did I do something?”

 

The question seemed to startle Hansen. His mouth opened as if to say something but he promptly snapped it shut. Just then Jared rushed over to the two with a toothy grin. 

 

“Awww I didn't think you'd stay for me thanks babe.” The shorter teen cooed.

 

With the mention of the word ‘babe’ Evan’s cheeks blushed pink. No noticed or cared though because the conversation flowed on to a new topic. 

 

Obviously, Connor drove with his left hand and Jared sat to the right of him. The two were loosely holding hands. Hansen was in the back wondering if last night's events were going to come up. He prayed they wouldn't he would rather not talk about any of his  _ feelings. Ew. _

 

Such a shame that life doesn't work that way because the next subject Connor decided to engage in was just that.

 

“So is anyone going to fucking mention last night or am I going to have to pretend that didn't happen? Because I don't want to. Like at all.”

 

Evans entire face flushed a furious pink. Jared just gave a crooked smile and said  “I kinda want to talk about it too, how about you Acorn?”

 

Acorn couldn't even look at the teens in the front seat but he murmured out a weak “S-s-sure…”

 

“ How much did you all have to drink before deciding it was a good idea to make out with me?”

 

“A lot of drinks but we told you it was for a good reason. Besides wasn't it kind of nice hearing Evan not stutter.” Kleinman defended their actions.

 

“Me being semi-good looking is not a reason to get smashed,” Connor said with a small smile.

 

“I-i don't k-know have you seen yourself?” Evan asked still hard-core blushing.

 

“Yes and I look like the love child of Hot-topic and Spencers but more fucked-up. What does this have to do with you both having a competition to see who was a better kisser?” 

 

“Hansen over here came to me and started spewing shit about how nice you look and he didn't feel like dealing with his bisexual emotion so I said let's get hammered and we did.”

 

Evan thought he was going to die from embarrassment. What on earth was happening? Why was Jared telling him all this with a straight face and know fear in his eyes? Why did he leave the part about mutual pining out?

 

“I thought it was a mutual problem.” Inquired Connor. 

 

“Oh yeah Con, it is mutual it just so happened that I too find you pretty and I didn't wanna deal with my Pansexual feelings™.”

 

“Did you just say TM and not sound like an idiot?” Evan asked in amazement because that's not easy feet.

 

“Yes you dork I did.”

 

“Sooooo,” Murphy wondered aloud “let me get this straight-”

 

“GAYYYYYYYYYYYY” Both Evan and Jared screamed and made the driver swerve out of his lane.

 

Rolling his eyes he continued,“You both like me, I like both of you or else I would have turned you down…what is this?”  Connor, bless his heart, was legitimately confused about what type of relationship this could be. “I didn't even know you could like multiple people at once? What the hell?!” He was now hurtling into a full-blown crisis.

 

“Hey C-Connor it's ok-okay to like m-multiple people it's called polyamory.” Evan attempted to sooth him.

 

“Yeah it's completely natural.” Jared agreed holding the boy with a polyamory predicaments hand tighter.”

 

“I’m having a dilemma right now? This is like when I discovered what transgender was….MY LIFE IS MAKING A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE RIGHT NOW!” Connor proclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes. “Wait do you two like each other as well?”

 

“To an extent, my feelings toward Jared are  _ almost _ purely romantic.” Explains Hansen with a fond smile cracking upon his face.

 

“Oh, I feel the full range of gay for Even, man look at him.”

 

Connor let out a chuckle at that remark. Had they all been dancing around they’re attraction like fools? That was kinda funny when you think about it.

 

“It's now time to pop the question! Will you, Evan Hansen, and you, Connor Murphy, be my boyfriends?” Kleinman asked as they rolled up to his house.

 

“I am going to have to think about this proposition.” Teased Evan.

 

“Same.”

 

Jared feigned offense to this “Why I never! Y'all mess with a guy's heart like this?” He then got out of the car with an overly exaggerated hurt face.

 

“ Bye Jare-bear!” Connor screamed with enthusiasm has he raced off.

 

“We never gave him a proper answer.”

 

“Ohhhh yeah I know but he probably knows the answer.”

 

“You are awful, Mr.Murphy.”

 

“Aware.”

 

Once Evan was safe and sound in his home he retraced all the events of the day. He had low-key confessed attraction to two people and was ready to die but in a good way. He was in such a good mood that he wrote a letter.

 

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

 

_ Today was good. You woke up from getting wasted with a minimal headache, you got not 1 but 2 boyfriends today...they both are cute and I hate it. I'M LOVING LIFE RIGHT NOW OH GOD YES! Yeah, today was pretty great. We still have to deal with Zoe’s intervention dinner but that's for  _ _~~tomorrow~~ _ _ It's been moved to Friday. I should brobably give Jared's hoodie back but its super confortable. _

 

__ _ Sincerely, _

__ _ Me _

 

_ ************ _

 

Connor took his slow time coming home. He didn't want to have to deal with Larry or anyone from his family, he was in too good of a mood. Pulling up into the driveway he couldn't help but notice his father's car was gone. 

 

_ Thank flying Sky Man!  _ He thought with the corners of his mouth twitching up into a smile.

 

Walking into his house he realized two things: one was how neat the house was. Even though Cynthia was a housewife she didn't do much cleaning if the house was tidy a cleaning service had done it. Usually cleaning services would leave a note on the dining room or kitchen table about what they did. There wasn't a note today. And 

 

He called out “Mom!” and got no answer he then yelled “Zoe!”

 

Mom and Zoe’s cars were in the garage though so where could they have gone? Connor started to panic a tad. He called his sister and to his relief she picked up saying“Hello?”

 

“Yeah um where are you?”

 

“That's what I am supposed to ask you. I'm with Mom why?”

 

“I know that but where?”

 

“We are taking a walk? A new trail opened up east of our house.”

 

“Oh”

 

“Are you ok?” She asked with concern.

 

“Yeah it's just our home is clean and it's odd because there is no note-”

 

“Mom cleaned it.”

 

“Really?”

 

“After the Larry incident she felt the need to show off her skills as a good wife...it's stupid I know.”

 

“Larry? Yo-you called him Larry! You never do that?”

 

“Well the father I knew finally left for good I think so he is Larry now…” Her voice was distant and strained.

 

“Ha we have something in common no-” His sentence was cut short by Zoe hanging up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is angst so watch out HAHAHAHAHAahahahahhahahahaHAHSHAAHAHAH
> 
> if you liked it hit the kudos button or comment (or do both if you want <3)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically miscommunication is a b*tch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks DearEvanHansen for the idea for this chapter!!!!!

Connor awoke on his living room couch and transcended into post-nap confusion. Slouching up he looked at the tv’s clock and realized that he hadn't taken a nap but a full on REM sleep for the night. Groaning he got ready for school by taking a shower and brushing his teeth. He also figured he should be an acceptable human and put on at least a new shirt. Walking into his kitchen to snag a granola bar he saw Zoe with a bowl of Lucky Charms, but she wasn't eating she was just sitting there glaring at the food as if it were the enemy. 

 

“Little sis, what are you doing?”

 

She snapped out her stare down with the cereal and informed her brother, “Never call me that again and I'm debating whether or not I should get another bowl. I was in a food trance and poured it, milk and all but I don't want to eat it...I don't think, anyway.”

 

He asked, glad that she was eating anything at all, “How many does this make?”

 

“The second.” She told curtly and went back to her staring.

 

“Okayyyy then,” He started, “What time do you have lunch?” He really just wanted to tell her to eat the damn bowl if she was hungry but he knew he should raise his voice at her.

 

“One in the afternoon,” Zoe said not looking away from the bowl.

 

Holy fuck she had the latest lunch and was still contemplating whether or not to eat it. WHAT. ON. EARTH?

 

Suddenly and rather dramatically she stood up from her chair stating “I'm not going t o eat besides we're going to be late come on Connor.”

 

He shrugged unsure what to make of the situation. Crawling into Zoe’s care they rode all the way to a school in silence. When they arrived his new boyfriend sprinted up to him.

 

Evan screamed as he ran to the car “Hi!” 

 

Connor created a small sliver of a smile. “Good morning Evan how are you doing toda-"  He cut himself off when he noticed Evans cast was gone. “It's off?”

 

“Yeah, it's off!” Evan grinned wildly. He stood on his tippy-toes and gave the taller boy a kiss. He stood on his tippy-toes and gave the taller boy a quick kiss. It was adorable.

 

Zoe exited (without acknowledging the kiss.) the car and headed into the school leaving the two lovebirds .alone. They strolled into their high school with interlocking hands. They were both doe-eyed- Well Connor's eyes were as sparkly as they were going to get. People were murmuring more than usual on Thursday mornings. Connor was used to the loud whispers and people gawking at him however Evan was not. He saw this and changed the unspoken topic of gossip and on to a spoken one, their boyfriend.

 

“Hey Ev, have you seen Jared at all today? We won't see him due to our different lunch schedules today so where is he at?”

 

Evan shifted his head a bit like it was helping him thinking but he couldn't come up to where he was.  

 

“Oh, I'll text him.”

 

“Yeah me too.”

 

With that, their fingers let go and they walked to their lockers alone.

 

Jared never answered his text. So at the moment, OT3 was just a pair. They were fine without him however the two still guilty, like being a couple sans him was cheating. Boundaries had not been clearly built so every action seemed wrong. They all were needed to make decisions about the relationship.

 

Connor had a grand total of zero classes with the missing partner but Evan had one, seventh period.

 

As Evan approached his AP computer science class, which he only stuck with the computer classes to be with Jared, he saw the boy he was searching for sulking in his unassigned assigned seat. Sitting next to him he asked “Where were you? At l-like the beginning of school.”

 

Jared turned to him, his face still scrunched up in a frown, and opened his mouth but closed it when he looked down at the lack of a cast.

 

Evan noticed his staring a said, “O-oh yeah I got my cast off isn't that great?”

 

All he got in response was a glare and a cryptic message. “Anything else you want to tell me that you forgot to mention?”

 

“N-no why wou-"

 

“I don't know? Maybe that you and Murphy are dating and completely didn't include me in that? Like it would have been okay if you turned me down in person but instead Connor calls me an awful nickname and you two laugh away? Then today I see you both draped over each other all lovey dovey and shit!” He snapped quietly as the teacher began the lesson.

 

Evan was honest to God confused as to what had happened in Jared’s mind that made him think they weren't dating. He decided that the safest course of action was to ask about the texts.

 

Now it was Kleinman turn to be confused. He whispered “What text? Wait you know what I am just going to stop you right there because I don't want to hear your phoney ass excuses.” Out loud he said, “ Teach I'm sick can I go home?” He didn't even bother to look sick so that means he definitely had something on this teacher.

 

Their teacher, Mr. Webber, let him go with a weary eye but went back to teaching his period.

 

_ Awesome!  Wow!  _ Hansen thought sarcastically as he suffered through the boring block.

 

When the dismissal bell rang Evan quickly went straight to Connor. “O-oh my lo-lord we have a bi-big problem w-with Jared.”

 

Zoe was interested but she didn't look it. She needed drama that wasn't hers.

 

Connor was unpacking his books into his bag but stopped to ask “ Oh pray do tell.”

 

“Th-this isn't funny m-man.  H-he-he thinks we st-stood him up and w-w started dat-dating without  h-him.” Tears were creeping out of his eyes and slowly but steadily falling down his face.

 

Zoe peeped up then “Oh sweet Jesus you all are dating how on earth?”

 

Connor ignored her and asked “Did he get the messages? They weren't very romantic sure but I through in the word babe so that counts as something...right?”

 

“H-he said he d-d-didn't kn-know what I was talking a-about.”

 

The Murphy girl butted in again “Do you mind if we take this on the road kids? I can drive you to his house if you want.”

 

Evan mumbled out a pathetic ‘yes’ and Connor followed suit. Riding with Zoe was a rather insightful. The boys learned that the reason Jared didn't receive the text was that the wifi at school was down, being a public school even e the best d most expensive most expensive cell providers could get a signal, and finally both of their data was on Roaming Mode. In short, the damn things never got sent because of technology sucking.

 

“Oh… that's like, really good to know.”

 

“Yup.” 

 

*********

 

The two teens stood outside Jared’s house. They had been still for almost ten minutes wondering if they should knock the door or ring the bell. Surprisingly Evan was the one knock on the door. When no answer followed he pressed down the doorbell repeatedly. At one point he started doing it to the beat of his favorite song, well he and Jared’s favorite song, Sincerely Me.

 

Filled to the brim with irritation Jared swung the door open. He was wrapped in a large quilt and was drinking an unhealthily large Monster energy drink. He had small barely noticeable red eyes and nose as if he had been crying. “What the hell do you want?”

 

Connor said calmly “We would like to talk, babe.”

 

“Don't,” Blanket boy sneered, “Call me that.”

 

Keeping his relaxed facade he tried again “ Ok can we talk, dude? It will be short I swear.”

 

Evan felt the need to speak up aswell “ Ple-please Jared?”

 

Rolling his eyes the house resident let them in, still glaring at them with disdain. Jared lead them all to the kitchen table and sat down loudly oh the wooden chairs. “What do you want to say? Make it snappy.”

 

Evan rambled out “ We d-d-d-didn't e-exclude you from da-dating we th-thought our a-nswer w-was obvious when you asked us l-la-last afternoon.”

 

Murphy added on “ We sent you messages asking where you were,” He pulled out his phone and showed the not sent texts, “but because our school is the worst you didn't get them.”

 

“You called me an off-limits name.” The hurt teen said turning his head away from the apologizing boys.

 

“We didn't know it was not allowed that's why we need to set up guidelines. Rules or something.”

 

“Y-yeah c-can you see th-that it's was all a m-m-misunderstanding?”

 

Jared expression softened, he looked right at them and he let out a remorseful sentence. “I am so sorry that I let my goddamn insecurities get a hold of me.” 

 

“I-it's ok-okay,”

 

“No Acorn, it's really not and I will try to work on my problems...so you wanted to set up rules?”

“Yes we need boundaries.”

 

“Then let get down to business.”

 

The trio spent all afternoon and night creating dating rules. Of course some ideas got shot down such as, flirting with other people is allowed. But all in all the three of them seemed to be satisfied with the list of acceptable things. A few things that all of them were ecstatic about was that going on dates with just one partner was alright and if the guidlines wanted to updated or changed all of them must be present for the vote.

 

“Any questions anyone?” Connor asked.

 

“Yeah one, Acorn when did you get your cast off? We were with you during the evening.”

 

“Oh I w-went at around se-seven something at night. It s-slipped my mind to tell a-any of you sorry.”

 

Jared shook his head. “ Don't be. Also guys I’m once again really terribly sorry.”

 

Connor said “It's fine that just means that we have to work with you but I don't think were too great for that considering I haven't had a freak out in a while and I know it's going to burst out like a condensed catsup bottle and Ev, well I think he's doing better so maybe he can help.”

 

“A-awwww thank y-you Con.”

 

“So anyone want to play on my Switch? I have arms.” Kleinman asked with a faint smile.

 

“Yes!” The other teens said in unison.

 

“Great let's go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comment make me happy!


	12. winner winner chicken dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me alive,,,,,woah

Evan returned home to see his mother studying a textbook on the couch. She wasn't usually home this early it was only nine. Her paper work was sprawled out on the carpet below her. She looked like she was focused and wanted to not be bothered so he didn’t. Heading to bed early he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

 

Later that night he heard a frustrated scream who he could only assume was his mother. Then he remembered what time of the year it was. Mid-terms.

 

After all the stuff with the Murphy kids, and Jared and his mom, and well life he supposed there was no time to think about it. Alana had asked him before but he couldn't remind himself of the date. Oh great, stress before an important dinner was just what the doctor ordered.

 

He tried real hard to get back to his slumber but it didn't work. All night he stayed up listening to the mutters and groans of his mom.

 

+++

 

Alana was feeling awful. Today was the day she would explain to her ex-girlfriends parents that their child was definitely suffering from anorexia once more. Inhaling a deep breath she waited for the bus on the corner of her street. 

 

Ever since Zoe left her she has had no ride to school which really sucked because all though she had her driver's license she had no car to use. She bit her lip unsure if she should still come to the dinner later that night.

 

She wanted to help Zoe Murphy because goddamn she had more love for her than was in the entire universe and she accepted that Zoe didn’t love her back but that doesn't mean she had to suffer alone.

 

Climbing the vehicle steps she psyched herself up for the day. Yeah, it wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows but it sure as hell was going to be a good as life would let it.

 

+++

 

Jared was being clingy and he knew it but he couldn't help himself. Something about the way Connor pulled his hair into a bun earlier had set something off in his gray matter. Maybe it was being able to see his ears- as weird as that sounds- or maybe him messing with his hair was just a bit surreal like, ‘yes you are actually dating a guy whose brown locks are so long he can tug it back and not look like an ass.’ Whatever it was it was making feel possessive and he hated it but at the same time, it made him feel gooey and light.

 

The feeling increased when as Connor and he walked down the hall they stopped to see Evan. Perhaps it was Evan’s small blush or the kiss on the cheek Jared received but it made no difference to him because now he felt the need to protect two people. From what he had no clue but the urge was strong. He gripped Connor’s hoodie sleeve and rubbed up against him.

 

Evan beamed when he saw this and flushed scarlet. “Woah gays calm down.”

 

“Ah ha ha ah ha ha. Look I need some good vibes before this disastrous dinner.” Connor sighed looking at the ground.

 

Evan being the sweet child he is gave a long lasting back hug. Life was quiet for a hot minute, like the impending doom of tonight wasn’t going to happen. 

 

+++

 

The day went by too quickly and Zoe wasn’t ready for this. As she left social studies she noticed she wasn’t prepared to deal with people being concerned about her she didn’t plan that the dinner would actually hold true. 

 

Sighing she unlocked her locker and saw Alana tagging next to Connor.  _ What are they talking about  _ she wondered?

 

Alana and her eyes locked for a millisecond and that's all it took for Zoe to become immobilized. She had avoided eye contact with her ex for this very reason. She could feel the flame between them like a warm campfire in the dead of the woods. Something Zoe wanted but she couldn’t go back to her, no not after her messed up internal temper tantrum that lead to them breaking up.

 

Her brother and Alana strolled out of sight. Leaving her with thoughts she’d been dodging for a week and a half.

 

+++

 

Jared was still on his weird need to defend his boyfriends. Evan joked that he was some type of blood hound for trouble. He truly hoped that wasn’t the case.

 

He spotted Alana about to get on the bus when he stopped her.

 

“Hey wanna ride with me…?”

 

“Ohmygod yes please I can’t handle the unhygienic bus anymore! Thank you so much.” Relief evident in her tone.

 

“Yeah, you should’ve told me if you were uncomfortable.” He shrugged leading her to his car.

 

“Should I sit in the back? Are Evan and Connor coming?”

 

“Uh no, you're fine in the front seat.” He confirmed patting the passenger seat beside him.

 

They drove quietly for a while, Alana hummed to the songs on the radio while Jared concentrated on not crashing his car. He when at a stop light asked what the game plan was for six ‘o'clock dinner with the Murphy’s.

 

“Hm,” She burrowed her eyebrows, “I made some slide show, however, we both know that didn’t work last time so...pleades of sorrow?”

 

“Shit that's not a plan.”

 

“Yeah, it isn’t. We’ll figure it out in later.” She sighed.  

 

“Wow, that's some optimism right there.” He snorted and gave her a pat on the back.

 

“Someone's got to be.”

 

+++

 

Evan fretted silently in his room. Laying down on his bed staring up at his ceiling waiting for the courage to go to the Murphy house hold. He reached out to his bed stand to check his phone. It read five forty-five and he needs to get going but he didn’t know if he really wanted to.

 

He felt his airway tighten and his heart rate rise in beats per minute. Now was not the time for a panic attack and he tried to stop it. That has never worked and that will never work. He began to shake his limbs slightly and his brain got a fuzzy numbness in it.

 

_ This is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad--  _ Evans thoughts were cut off by his phone ringing

 

He was curled up in a ball atop his bed with tears streaming down his face, the rest of him was going numb, and he felt as if a weight was crushing his entire body yet he managed to pick up the phone.

 

Connor’s voice was on the on the other side of the line. “Hey, you okay? You're late?”

 

Evan could answer.

 

“Ev? You alright?”

 

Evan responded this time with a weak helpless whimper.

 

“Damn,” Connor said his tone was hollow and scared “I’m coming over in five minutes don’t hurt yourself, don’t leave your house...you are at your house right?”

 

“Yeah” Evans' voice cracked on the word then he went back to sobbing and sniffling.

 

“Bye I love you and I’m picking you up now.”

 

Connor Murphy, a man of his word occasionally, arrived at the Hansen house in four minutes. He may have cut through some peoples yard and disregarded all stop lights but he didn’t get caught so did it really ever happen?

 

The door was open so he let himself in heading to Evans room. Evan was still there on his bed scrunching up sheets.

 

“Ev can you talk? How can I help?” Connor asked while he bit his recently painted nails.

 

“J-j-just u-um...talk a-about yo-your day.”

 

“Yeah, I can totally do that. Okay, so I’m going to rant about my AP Origin of English teacher because she can die. She gave me a half-assed review of my upcoming mid-term paper and I am so done with her. She told me it was fine. Fine!”

 

Evans breathing was steading so he kept going.

 

“She didn't give me any decent feedback just some fake praise. I swear she wants me to fail her class. Oh and I hate woodshop? Like an extreme amount, it's almost ridiculous. Mr. Brady can’t seem to decide if he likes me or not and that's really distracting. Also, he keeps telling me not to paint my nails while we’re doing clock unit because it requires a lot of power tools but I don’t care because nails always need to be painted.”

 

A small laugh escaped from Evans' lips and he gave a somewhat pathetic smile. “He-hey I’m good now I think.”

 

“No, you should maybe stay ho--.”

 

“No I am fine and I will go to the dinner but I’m going to fix my appearance. I look like I've been doing meth.” Evan dug into his closet looking for a shirt to change into. He was having trouble deciding what to wear when Connor offered his hoodie up.

 

Evan transformed from washed up tired druggie to a silly blushing mess. As he boarded into Connor he asked how late they were.

 

“Extremely like twenty-five minutes.” 

 

+++

 

Jared was not alright. He was sitting at a dining table with one of his boyfriend's parents and no one at the table was speaking. Not Alana who was playing with her broccoli or Zoe who was adamantly trying to stare holes into her untouched mashed potatoes.

 

He figured he should follow suit and keep the silence. He wondered where Evan and Connor were but figured they would be here soon. After all, it was Connor’s house...scratch that they might not ever arrive.

 

The house alarm let out a pretty chime which announced the presence of new people. First in was Connor with his usual scowl but his face brightened just the tiniest bit when he saw Jared. He wasn't wearing his hoodie but instead a long sleeve Chainsmokers T-shirt. He grunted a hello.

 

Jared whispered a more intimate greeting as he sat down. Connor gave way to a silent chuckle 

 

Next was a timid, polite, and wearing his boyfriend's sweat-shirt Evan. “H-hi Mr. and Mrs. Murphy so-sorry to come so late. Traffic and such.” He was lying through his teeth.

 

Well,” Larry began eyeing the three boys suspiciously, “Glad you could you all could join us.” 

 

Alana stood from her chair and swiftly gazed over the boys and Zoe before speaking. “Is there any possibility that you could change your opinion on Zeo’s problem.” She was blunt and that was going to be her downfall.

 

“Shit…” Zoe muttered under her breath.

 

Cynthia’s expression switched from moderate housewife to horrific murder witness. Larry’s face went on a face journey going from neutral anger to pure anger to mega anger to ‘i’m about to kill this lesbian in my household.’

 

“How dare you make me leave work early for your piece of shit idea that  _ my  _ daughter would have such made up sickness! Your generation just makes shit up honestly!” So Mr. Murphy was not the slightest bit pleased and Evan sunk down into his chair.

 

“She literally had it a few years ago. How can you call it made up? She had to go to rehab.” Oh, it appeared that Alana was not too pleased either. 

 

“Calm down Larry.” Cynthia tried to keep his boiling rage down but it was futile.

 

“Calm down? I knew you were fucking idiotic but calm down? When this--” He wildly threw his hands in the air.

 

“Dad-- Larry” Zoe peered up from her food a pleading look across her face, “Don't do this.”

Jared grasped Connors hand as if to stop him from getting up to deck his father. Evan slithered down even lower praying that he could just disappear.

 

“Do what? Not give in to your bullshit? I have already done it to many time with him,” He motioned to his son “And I made the mistake of doing the same with you. Not again.”

 

Connor felt his blood run ice cold. He could feel this conversation heading even more south than now. It wasn’t just going to be about Zoe. His dad was going to make about him too.

 

Jared being the outdated meme that he is loudly announced: “Did everyone try the chicken I thought the chicken was lovely.”

 

Ms. Murphy nodded a thank you not realizing it was a sad attempt at humor.

 

“Do not change the topic. Who even are you?” Larry glared pointing at Jared.

 

“Jared Kleinman, Senior,” He made eye contact with Connor to confirm that their relationship wasn’t a secret. “And your son's boyfriend.”

 

The deafening silence was terrible. Evan needed someone to talk, to scream, To shout, to do anything just to make some noise. He did the job himself. “Evan Ha-Hansen, also a senior though I bet you already knew that, sorry. I-I’m also yo-your son’s boyfriend.”

 

_ Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, damn it, why would I say that?  _

 

Cynthia was beyond mortified now. She sat rigid hoping this wouldn’t get out of hand. But it already was.

 

Alana shot them a look to convey they needed to go immediately. Zoe felt tears swell on the edge of her eyes.

 

“You know.” Larry said with mock serenity, “you’re dating a girl.” 

 

Connor bit his lips so hard he could taste the copper in his blood. Releasing his hand from Jared's he slowly shuffled over to his dad. He stared him in the eye and gave him a nice jab to the gut.

 

After the blow, he confessed "I’ve been meaning to do that for a while but I never had the a great--” He was cut off byLarryy lunging at him. A suburban ‘dad’ is heavy, like way to heave to have tackled a tall slender child.

 

“Fuck!”

 

Evan reached out thinking that he could miraculously stop this fight before he could far Jared pulled him into a tight hug. “Not worth it Acorn. Watch.”

 

The fight mostly consisted of punches. At one point Connor started to screech out not in pain but in full rage. At one point Larry got a damn good hit in Connor’s jaw. It was intriguing that neither of them had spoken. The two of them got verbal when their tempers were thrown out the window but not now.

 

Cynthia tried to scream but her fear drowned her. Alana covered her mouth tears rolling down her face. Zoe gave a smile fake smile before she broke down into a fit of giggles “I-i can not-- wait has I can believe that y-yo-you would do this! I mean really? T-this was for me..I’m honestly so humored right now!” The tears from earlier finally made an appearance on her face.

 

They stopped quarrel to look at a hysterical Murphy girl.

 

Ripping his dad off him Conner rushed over to comfort her but she swatted him away. “Do-don’t.”

 

His face broke into a frown and he backed up while whipping the blood coming from his nose, lip, and head.

 

Evan was still clutching his boyfriend crying softly into his chest. Alana approached the distressed girl and pulled her into a light hug. When she didn't jerk back they strengthened hugged.

 

Jared shook his head in mournful amazement. How did a night that was supposed to be all about Zoe turn into a discussion on Connor? He hadn’t aided in the intervention in the slightest but at least he was here so that Evan didn’t wind up dead or worse in the midst of an attack. 

 

Cynthia asked “Are you okay?’

 

“No. Mom I am not but I’m going to be as soon as he,” She said in a monotone voice, pointing to Mr. Murphy “admits to me having a problem. I have admitted to myself but I don’t think it’ll be real if he doesn't say it.”

 

He didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked it


	13. guess I'll   D  I  E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it here. it fluff 
> 
> JARED KLIENMAN IS A GOOD BOI
> 
>  
> 
> my girls still suffer tho  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just did what helps me when i disassociate lmao so that scene was easy (but also hard bc thats me!) to write
> 
> thx for reading kids also play for alana and zoe(they are not officially back together but don't u worry"

After the huge blow up that occurred in the Murphy’s place the high schools skipped out of the house and to the edge of town. They sat at inside A la Mode solemnly, eating their ice cream in complete quiet. Alana paid for the creamy desserts and together all five of them drove around aimlessly. Eventually, they found themselves climbing over the fence of the old apple orchard.

 

Connor slumped down to the base of a tree absolutely exhausted. Zoe followed suit with a decrepit tree a few feet away. The siblings stared into space, their eyes glazed over with dark, deep bags underneath.

 

Alana, Jared, and Evan stood in front of them unsure what to do. It was beyond late at this point and they glanced at each other. Evan being a person who truly could not handle silence spoke with a quiver in his voice. “I a-a-am so sor-sorry about a-all of th-this. I should have never said anythi--” He burst out into tears before he could finish his sentence.

 

Jared grabbed him tight whispering how nothing was his fault in the slightest. Rubbing circles on his boyfriend’s back made eye contact with Connor who was still looking at nothing in particular. He was mindlessly plucking grass from the ground. His eyes were dull and empty. His breath was shallow.

 

He was disassociating. Jared was not prepared for this at all. He shot a look at Alana who was talking to Zoe about their feelings so she was unavailable to help. This night was a turning more and more into a disaster.

 

“Acorn, are you going to be alright if I let go?”

 

Evan shook his head and Jared sighed loudly.

 

“So-sorry I-I-I’m needy.”  He choked out.

 

“No,no, no you are not too needy it's just that Con is detached over there and I wanna help him.” Jared’s tone was soothing.

 

“Oh,” Evan hadn’t even noticed the changing state of Connor, “G-g-go help hi-him. He probably needs you more.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Mhm.” 

 

Kissing his crying boyfriend on the forehead he promised that he would come back if Evan’s sobs turned into an attack.

 

“Hey babe,” Jared slipped to his boyfriend next to the tree. “How are you?”

 

When Connor didn’t respond he grabbed his grass picking hand and swiped his thumb over the dissociating boy's knuckles. 

 

The two of them sat like that for a while until Evan picked himself off the dirty ground and joined them. The girls were still chatting about emotional shit so once again they were unavailable to help out.

 

They exchanged hopeless gazes wordlessly trying to figure out how to connect him to the rest of the world. Evan, at a loss for ideas, began to play some house music from his phone, Connor’s favorite.

 

Jared gave a lofty smile and jumped up swaying to the music. Evan looked up at him as if he had lost his damn mind but soon joined from his coaxing.

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing but hey girls if you're done with being sappy come and join me in helping Con over here.”

 

Zoe rolled her red puffy eyes and yanked her brother up, forcing him to move his limbs. Alana smiled and tapped along to the music.

 

The freezing cold winter air hitting his body with the music caused Connor to snap his eyes out of their stagnant state. He was still numb but at least he was somewhat aware of his surroundings.

 

He let out a confused grunt and Evan immediately pushed his sister away, grabbing his face delicately. “Are you okay?”

 

The Murphy boy was having trouble focusing on his worried boyfriend as his vision was blurry. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Evan bit his lip.

 

The were back at square one.

 

Alana, who was willing to do just about anything, started to ask questions about The Catcher in the Rye, his most despised great American novel. That jerked him right back into reality. “That's a fucking awful book ‘lana why would you even bring it up.”

 

“Oh my god he’s back!” Jared exclaimed with a broad smile.

 

“He-hey my head hurts ass so don’t scream.”

 

“Right sorry.” He apologized in a hushed tone.

 

“If I want out of tears I would literally cry into your lap.”

 

“Ev, I’m, fine sorry to worry you or whatever but I am good.” Connor gave him a weak smile.

 

“I am feeling left out here dudes.”

 

“Ah yes, Kleinman,” His he turned to his other partner, “How,” a kiss on his neck “could,” a bite near his collarbone, “I,” a nibble to the earlobes. “Forget,”  a soft brush of noses, “About you?” His sentence was punctuated by a sloppy but sincere connection of mouths. Jared was melting from all the contact.

 

“Ew get a room,” Zoe said with mock disgust.

 

Alana however, was more serious. “Please do because sex in the woods sound like you are asking for an infection.”

 

“OhMyGodTheyAreNotHavingSexIntheOrchard.”  Evan was honestly mortified at the idea as he watched his two boyfriends aggressively start to make-out. It was hot in theory but no way should it ever be executed.

 

“That's right baby **we** are having sex in the orchard.” Jared managed to get out in between breaths and Connor pinning him to the grass.

 

Evan Hansen died right then and there. Luckily his pure responsible female friends revived him.

 

“HEY WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE!?”

 

Fuck, a groundskeeper.

 

“Run.” Stage-whispered Connor taking himself off the other boy and sprinting away from the voice.

 

Zoe was right after him and honestly, it was amazing how fast they were. When spring came around they both should try out for track and field.

 

Evan was stuck in place momentarily because really? This day had been a rollercoaster from start to finish and he had a grand total of zero chill for this. Getting himself up he ran after them, out of breath the whole way.

 

Alana was terrified of going to prison while black so she got the hell out of dodge leaving Jared, a reluctant exerciser, to fend for himself.

 

_ ‘I want to die noooooooooo!’ _ He thought taking off jogging much slower than the rst but quick enough not to get caught. The groundskeeper, most likely an old woman, kept calling out to them to come back but of course, they didn’t.

 

Climbing over the fence, all from a different way than they came in , the group tried to reconvene. The unexpected run left them all in a sour mood.

 

When they all found a resting spot outside of the orchard they realized that no one had an answer for the housing situation. The siblings had figured that they shouldn't go home until Monday so they needed a place to stay. The choice was obvious for Zoe where she would go but Connor was different. His boyfriends did not know which house would be best. Finally, after some discussion, the three of them decided that Evan’s place was best.

 

Slinking around to the front entrance of the grove They all hopped into Jared’s car and he dropped the girls off at Alana’s house. Waving them a goodbye he headed to where Connor would be staying with a slight twinge of fear at of Hedi would react. The rolled up into the driveway and he saw how late it was almost two pm.

 

“J-jared? Do you want to stay the night?” Evan asked with a sweet smile. “I wo-wouldn’t want you to go home alone.

 

“If your mom doesn't mind then--”

 

“My mom loves you and you know it. Now let's get out.”

 

Connor shuffled out of the car and gave Evan a swift gratitude kiss before he put in his house key.

 

“God you two are adorable.” Sighed Jared dreamily.

 

“J, you know what's more adorable? Three of us. Together.” Evan caressed his cheek pulling him into a deep kiss that shook his core. Connor slapped his ass making him yelp which only got Evan more into it.

 

“Woah.” Connor was stupidly grinning, “You two are gorgeous did you know that? Completely beautiful.”

 

“Sh-shut up.” Jared sputtered.

 

“No Ev, am I wrong? Is he not such a pretty boy?”

 

“He is a true heartthrob.”

 

“See? God,” He took a step forward and Evan stepped back, “you are amazing baby boy.”

 

Jared Kleinman was putty by now, halfway to turning into pure liquid. His eyelids fluttered close but soon he opened them completely. Not because the kiss was so great(It was but that's beside the point) but because Ms.Hansen was leaning on the door frame with a cup of piping hot tea in hand. Her expression was unreadable.

 

The scene of her best friend’s child being held down by some kid she doesn’t know and her own kid, obviously enjoying this, standing behind them biting his lip in a way she didn’t even want to think about.

 

Jared pushed Connor off him in a state of panic. “You okay babe? Did the nickname bother you?”

 

“N-n-no it’s not--”

 

“Jared Abel Kleinman, Evan Cade Hansen, and kiddo I don’t know could you kindly stop  _ that  _ on my porch and get inside if you’re staying.”

 

Evans expression was like a ghost, pale and mouth gaping open. Jared was more mortified than he should have been considering this wasn’t his own mother but still she was the one to practically raise him.

 

“Hello, Ms.Hansen I’m Connor Murphy a slightly homeless teen right now. Um, I was going to ask to stay the weekend but uh someone,” He motioned to the now on the ground Kleinman, “Distracted me.”

 

“O-oh my lo-lord you are-- that wa-was really bad introduction.” Evan's hands were on his face unable to look at his mom.

 

“Homeless huh? I’ll make you something warm and you can explain this all to me.” She said walking back into her house, presumably it's kitchen.

 

They did as they were told shuffling onto the breakfast bar, watching her closely. Underneath the table, Evan fidgeted with the hem of his boyfriend's hoodie. His mom knew he was a flaming bisexual and she was totally cool with it but how would she react to him dating two people at once?

 

She smacked down hot chocolate for each teen with a small nod. Once they all had taken a sip she wondered aloud. “Will anyone tell me whats happening? Or am I going to guess?”

 

No One spoke so she shared her hunch. “I believe that's what’s happening here is you Mr.Murphy is dating my dear sweet other child Jared. I bet, by your desperate look, that someway somehow you’ve been kicked out of your house. Now Evan, I can’t quite place where you fit in but you must be dating someone ‘cause that top is not yours”

 

“Wow Ms.Hansen that was very close--”

 

“Call me Heidi if you’re going to camp out in my home.”

 

“Hedi that was close but Evans also dating me and wearing my hoodie so...yeah.”

 

Evan Hansen died for a second time that night. He mumbled a prayer as he felt himself going toward the light. Okay so perhaps the light was just his kitchen's lighting but still he felt like this was the end for him. Jared called him back though with a smack on the shoulder blades.

 

“Hmm okay when did this happen and why haven’t I heard about you from either my kid or my fake kid?”

 

“I guess i’ve been keeping them busy?” He suggested but was soon met with screams of his sweethearts.

 

“Why would you do this to us? In front of my mother figure too!”

 

“Co-c-conner I’m br-breaking up with y-you!”

 

He was sporting a mega watt smile, making it obvious he worded it that way on purpose. Heidi Hansen shook her head while she was going through shock. How had she not heard anything about Connor Murphy?

 

“M-m-mother this is a semi-recent development--”

 

“For some reason that doesn’t seem accurate judging by how fast this relationship would be going.”

 

“No so maybe Evan and I messed around a bit in Sophomore year but making it official only happened like, three days ago.”

 

“Mhm,” She nodded, “So the first part was unnecessary but fine. Wait are you a Murphy from like, town favorites Cynthia and Larry?”

 

“Yes ma’am whatever.”

 

“I had no Idea that they had a son, and in Evan’s grade as well! I remember they had a daughter a year above you--”

 

“That me.” His tone was dark.

 

Jared stared at Hedi with a look that screamed ‘stop. Don't ask’. Evan found a new passion in staring at his kitchen floor.

 

“Oh ah, pardon.” Her face blushed a light pink.

 

“Nah no worry I got held back due to my late birthday.” He was joking and everyone kinda was taken aback by his chill attitude but his boyfriend’s assumed it was because he was so tired.

 

“I suggest staying the weekend. I don’t know what happened tonight to make you get removed from your house but if the situation is dangerous to your mental or physical health I simply can’t let you leave. A-okay boys that's all from me, please don’t make out on my porch again and have a goodnight.”

 

All three waved and repeated good nights to her as she disappeared up the stairs.

 

“Where am I sleeping?” Connor asked as he hopped off the stool.

 

“My room.”

 

“Even you sly dog!” Whisper Jared loudly a terribly dirty grin on his face.

 

“Ev, I thought you had more class! But yeah cool.”

 

“A-and of course J.

 

“J? I like that.”

 

“Yes I’m aware babe.”

 

“Lets hit the sack please guys.” Pleaded Connor, his eyes begging for the sweet release of sleep.

 

Without missing a beat Jared winked and said: “You can hit my sack anyday.”

 

“No really Jer can we please go to sleep.” 

 

Evan responded with “Rooms the first on the left, I’m going to grab something cold to drink to mellow my taste buds out and I’ll be right up. J, show him the way.”

 

Jared let out a giggle. “That rhymes but of course I will.” Bounding up the staircase Connor trailed behind slouching with exhaustion.

 

Grabbing a cup of milk he zoned out into the white abyss reflect on the past couple of hours and how a life can change so quickly.

 

+++

 

“I left her…” Zoe was laying on the floor of Alan’s bedroom, her eyes were closed but tears still managed to leak out.

 

“Who?” Alana asked right next to her even though she knew who she was referring to.

 

“My mother I-I left her with  _ him _ .” The last syllable of the sentence dripped of disdain.

 

“You had to get out hon, you had to get out and she had to stay. She always has to stay, to clean up the broken pieces.” Her tone was soothing and light like an expensive quill.

 

Zoe broke down into hysterical sobbing.

 

+++

 

The sleeping line up was surprisingly civil. Connor was the biggest spoon(serving spoon), Evan was in the middle acting as the dessert spoon and Jarad, being the smallest, was the tea spoon. They all had a restful sleep even Connor, who had refused to take his binder off even Jared was worried about it. The night had been absolute, utter shit but at that exact moment everything felt right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and don't forget to leave a comment, kudos, or suggestions


	14. domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are domestic and I have a headcanon that Evan would totally have a problem with hating ppl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: I don't write smut nor will i ever(probs) this and maybe a little down the torso is all u guys r going to get from me
> 
> ((pls make ur own so i can read it ))

Jared awoke to someone digging into the crook of his neck. He reasoned it was Evan and basked in the warmth his boyfriend gave him. Eventually, he slipped out of the hold to go down stairs and eat. The oven clock read out that it was ten in the morning so they hadn’t slept in that late. Knowing exactly where the pots and pans where he began to make brunch for his boys.

 

While he waited for the bacon to get crispy she checked on his boiled eggs, Evans favorite. Smiling at their progress he went to grab some apple juice from the refrigerator but before he could do that a body latched onto him from the back pulling him into a soft embrace.

 

“You’re making my most favorite type of egg. Thanks, baby.” The body whispered into his ear.

 

“Mhm but if you don’t get off of me Acorn I simply can’t finish them. Go keep Connor company because the bed must be cold without one of us.”

 

“Yes sir,” He muttered smacking his ass and trudged back to bed. The last word gave Jared a chill that surged through his spine. When breakfast was finally ready to eat he gently nudged his boys away and together they followed the scent of fresh food.

 

“Hey con, look at me. You need to take your binder off,” Jared said touching the teen in questions face.

 

“No why?” He huffed and then shoved a slice of bacon into his mouth.

 

“Because you’ve worn it for longer than eight hours  _ and  _ you slept in it. You have to take it off.”

 

“J is right Connor it could risk your chance of top surgery and we all know how much you want that.” Evan agreed.

 

“Traitor.”

 

“No life saveer come one let's get you out of that death trap.” Jared sighed and led his partner to another room, leaving Evan to eat alone in his own house.

 

+++

 

“Call your brother. Make sure he’s alright.” She was stern.

 

“No ‘lana I gotta call my mom first! What if she’s hurt o-o-or worse!”

 

“Your Dad wouldn't--"

 

“YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LARRY WOULD DO!” She growled her and against the bedroom door. She watched as crimson began to fall slowly from her hand and then faster and faster. After realising what she had done she she tried to let out tears but nothing came.

 

“Girls!?” Yelled a confused Mr. Beck from his master bedroom. “Are you both okay?”

 

“Fuck I need to get a bandage.” Zoe hissed still looking stunned at her bleeding hand.

 

“Daddy! Where is the gauze? Zo hurt herself.”

 

“Oh should I come in?”

 

“No dad just can I get some bandaging material?”

 

“Of course it's in the left medicine cabinet in the guest bathroom. Be safe.”

 

“Yes, daddy.”

 

“You call your father ‘daddy’? How very...cute”

 

“Shut up and let's get you fixed.”

 

Silence followed as Alana attempted to wrap up the injured girl. After moments Zoe finally spoke up. “That was very Connor of me. I’m sorry.”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“I said--"

 

“I heard you but why are you sorry? It is not like you were actively trying to harm yourself...correct?” There was a hint of panic in her tone.

 

“No, no I didn't plan that and I am s9rry because there is a dent in your door now.”

 

“Oh yeah oops.” She gave the hand a quick kiss and let go marveling at her makeshift medical work.

 

“Thank you, Alana.”

 

“Well, I couldn't just let you bleed all over.”

 

“No about everything you have ever done for me. Especially in the past twenty-four hours. Thank you so fucking much.” 

 

Zoe sounded so desperate, so starved of love? No, she had Connor even though they weren't the best of friends she still had her brother. And obviously her mom so what was she be missing?

 

“You.” Her tone was so soft Alana almost didn't hear her.

 

“Pardon?”

 

“You. I miss you and I know I’m the one who dumped you but is there any chance you could take me back. You have never been cruel to me, never tried to hurt me, I don't deserve you but please please--"

 

“Hold up. You deserve happiness but I don’t know if I can give it to you. Maybe if I knew what I did wrong last time I could--"

 

“ _ You  _ didn't do a thing it was me all me. You were taking care of me and I freaked because that's not supposed to happen. I have my mother and sometimes Connor I thought I didn't need somebody else. But I do. I need you.”

 

“okay I see but can we completely backpedal? Can we start over fresh and take it extremely slow? Would that be good for us?”

 

“That would be great for us.” Zoe had a smile bigger and brighter than the sun.

 

+++

 

Connor had no desire to be touched. While his boyfriends cleaned up the dishes from earlier he sat on the couch alone. His sister had sent him an update on her stat and that was it. He was in a shitty place right now. The horrors of last night flooded around him thoughts he couldn't say surrounded him. He felt himself slipping from reality. Great.

 

Evan noticed. He called out his name multiple time without a response. That wasn’t a good sign. “Connor, baby, a-are you alright?” Still no answer. “Connor!” He screamed at the top of his lungs making Jared drop and shatter a dish.

 

“Acorn that not going to--"

 

“Jesus Christ Ev, what do you need?”

 

Evan could feel his face heat up “You bl-blacked out f-for a while and I just...I don't know.” His head fell in shame.

 

“Sorry Hansen about that.”

 

Evan's face fell; he was too fragile today making Jared wonder if he was taking all of his meds and not just some. “Ar-are y-y-you mad at m-me?”

 

“No, what why?”

 

“Well you called me by my last name and you never do that except to Jared and that's like your  _ thing  _ so I was just confused and this sound really dumb to you doesn't it? Ahh sorry this whole thing was really stupid and I should really just be quiet.”

 

“Uh, my mouth just slipped up are  _ you  _ okay though?”

 

Jared, not having the energy to join in on a heart to heart at the moment, went back to sweeping up the dish shrapnel and cleaning the pans. He eyed the two as they continued to talk.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yes now can we just drop it?” Evan sounded exasperated.

 

“Yeah alright but tell me if something changes.” 

 

Evan leaned in for a kiss but he was stopped and his face fell “Ev, I kinda don’t wanna be touched right now so if you could just lay off the affection?”

 

“‘k.” He turned his face to not show disappointment and strolled back to help his domestic sweetheart. He felt something rise up in him. It wasn’t a pleasant emotion but he could place what exactly it was. Perhaps heated was the right word but about what he couldn’t tell you. 

 

+++

 

The rest of the day was uneventful. Connor wasn't given any physical contact like he asked, Jared found out from Alana that midterms we're in eight days and Evan made them all watch lifetime movies for the rest of the afternoon. Hedi stopped by around two because she was forced to take a break before heading out to her legal class but as soon as she came in she had also left.

 

Jared ordered Chinese food when dinner time arrived and Connor went to grab it from the door. After an awkward encounter with the delivery woman about Connor’s gender, he was too annoyed to eat.

 

“Murphy if you don’t eat I'll fight you.”

 

“Ugh you wouldn’t hit me. That is abuse.” 

 

“True I wouldn't hit you unless you wanted me to~.” 

 

“No! Bad! Stop! Not in my house!”

 

“Gasp, are you kink shaming?” Jared faked offense.

 

Evan let out the highest screech known to man.

 

“Woah you two are extra loud today aren't you.” Connor rolled his eyes.

 

Evan and Jared met each other's eyes with a worried glance. Jarad figured his behavior had been aggravated by the lack of a binder causing him to be misgendered. “Do you want your binder back?” 

 

“Yes, yes, a thousand time yes please!”  face lit up.

 

Evan sighed as his boyfriends went to go get it. When the came back Connor was pleased. “I am touchable now,” he declared.

 

“Good. Hey i’m going to go to my house for a hot second ‘cuz I'm staying over again.”

 

“By babe.” They both kissed his a goodbye and watched him drive off.

 

Asking out of the blue Evan said “Do you still like me?”

 

“Why yes Ev, I still love you. May I ask why?”

 

“No you may not. I’m going to kiss you now.”

And he did. It was a desperate, sloppy, breathy kind that made you lose your mind for a bit. Evan was mad, but he wasn’t sure why because the day had been perfectly fine. The only thing that had been troubling was that he couldn't even hug Connor for a while but he understood why and he thought he respected that. Maybe he was wrong.

 

Evan found himself shirtless atop his boyfriend on his bed. He didn't remember when they got up the stairs, he didn't remember opening the door, and he sure as hell didn't remember getting rid of his shirt but yet that was the scene. Connor tugged him into a kiss just as messy as the last. Evan, still angry at an unknown variable, dug his nails underneath Connor’s shirt and in to flesh.

 

Connor gasped and bit him around his chest area. Wrapping his legs around Evan he felt his hair get tugged at and oh god did that feel good. Making a small weak noise he tightened his legs more.

 

Evan sucked down into an area on his boyfriend’s neck causing him to moan. He was still in an odd rage. This continued for minutes, them hurting each other and yet getting immense pleasure from it until Jared slammed the door when he came back and hummed out that he was home. Unmounting him Evan walked down stairs(this bitch was still mad at something).

 

“Hello looks like you two we're busy while I was gone.” He laughed putting down his personal items.

 

“Yeah care to join?” Jared went in but immediately sensed something was off.

 

“What's wrong Acorn?”

 

“Nothing except that you're not upstairs with us.” 

 

“No you are not about to tell me you are okay. You’re not. Something Is up. Sit down.”

 

“Yes sir.” oh that name was making a comeback.

 

“Tell me whats up.”

 

“Why do you think something's wrong?” He was being defensive.

 

This was when Connor traveled down. “Whats going on guys?”

 

“He,” Evan pointed, “Thinks something wrong with me. Uhg.”

 

“Isn't there though.”

 

Jared shook his head “Don't be a smartass, Con.”

 

“No I’m serious he was hella upset or some shit because his style was like yours. Intense and wild but their was no class to it. Not that it wasn’t great because oh my fucking goodness it was great but he’s totally not completely alright.”

 

Jared looked at both boys with disbelief. “Ew, ew, ew gross you two. Well it seems somebody agrees with me so maybe just maybe I know what I’m talking ‘bout.”

 

“What do I have to be irate about? Not a thing!”

 

“I don’t know... it could be person and  _ not  _ a thing. I’d be pretty angry if the father of my boyfriend kicked said boyfriend out. But hey whatever.” Connor suggested and rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh.”

 

Jared let out his shit-eatin snicker “Oh? That's all?”

 

“Fuck you.” Evan pouted.

 

“Yes please.” 

 

“So what have we learned today kids?” Connor asked clapping his hands in that teacher pattern.

 

Both of them clapped back the pattern, out of instinct, and Jared gave a response. “We learned that Evan needs help processing certain negative emotions and that when he gets frustrated he also has the sexual drive of a rabbit.” Evan felt slightly attacked by how accurate that was.

 

Chuckling Connor tied his hair back “I would love to participate in that rabbit drive.”

 

Jared gave a look of disappointment. “Stop it. No we are going to help you cope. And we are not, I repeat not, going to do  _ things. _

 

“Things?”

 

“Things. Now what would make you feel better?”

 

“Smoking a blunt!”

 

“Con no!”

 

Evan dart his eyes around the room. “I could hit something?”

 

“Great Acorn like a tree?”

 

“NO. Not a tree it wouldn't deserve that. How about like, a pillow?”

 

“ Perfect.” Connor said and grabbed an accent pillow from the couch.

 

Setting it on the floor Evan drew all the strength he could muster and punched it. It made a little puff noise as if air escaped from it. It was a very weak blow but still it was enough for the slight anger inside of him to leave. He felt like a weight had been lifted off him.

 

He looked down at himself shirtless and covered in marks. He let out a squeal. “Oh my gosh what on earth did you do Connor? Ahhh look at all these...these--”

 

“Lovebites.”

 

“Oh my god why am I like this? Jesus christ I need a nap from all this. And a shirt. I also need a shirt.”

 

“Soooo less bad energy?” Jared questioned.

 

“Yes less bad energy, but i’m for real about that nap.”

 

“Ev, babe, it's nine at night. Just say you’re going to sleep.”

 

“Oh yeah and uh J?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thanks for making food and I’m sorry about calling you sir and slapping your butt.” With that, he scurried up to the second floor.

 

“He slapped your ass? Nice. Ah, and I might have to use sir.”

 

Jared felt his face heat up like a turkey being prepared at Thanksgiving. “S-shut it.”

 

Pressing speedy kiss to his lips Connor ascended up the stairs and motioned for him to come with. “Care to follow sir?”

 

“I hate that name.”

 

“Oh so sorry.” A beat passed and Connor made it to the landing. “sir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to comment, give a kudos, or whatever.
> 
> suggestions are welcome
> 
> also did connor ever eat? idk


	15. sleep the day away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father? is that you?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a fucking ear infection rn and tonight im seeing DEH on Broadway so...thats a bad combo.(hella excited tho)
> 
> sorry this chapter isnt v good but i tried i swear

Hedi Hansen leaned on her child’s door post with a lopsided smile. There she saw Evan in the middle of two loving teens, both facing him. It was a calming scene and it made her feel warm and fuzzy like Evan was whole now. It made zero sense but she could see her son was content so she was too. Closing the door gently she walked to her bedroom for a much needed nap.

 

Later today however she would have to tell him the news and it wasn’t pleasant. Or...maybe she could never tell him?

 

+++

 

“Nhg,” Evan made a soft noise as he woke up. He was trapped between two of his favorite people and he was relishing how gooey they made him feel. Connor’s arm was draped over his entire body while Jared clung to Evan’s left arm. He decided to head back to sleep because after all it was a Sunday which lead to sleeping in.

 

When he woke back up both his boyfriends had left his bed and it was frigid, ice cold. The stark contrast of earlier that morning was real and uncomfortable. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as the room smelled an awful lot like pot. He had forgotten Connor smoked.  He tried to retrieve his phone from his night stand but it wasn't there.

 

That was weird but he was too sleepy to really take note.

 

Groaning he traveled down to his kitchen to check the ovens clock for the time where he realized he’d basically slept a good portion of the day away. Sighing he sauntered to his living room where he sat down and let out a huge sigh. He had slept for what? Seventeen hours possibly and he was still exhausted.

 

He laid down on the comfortable furniture and tried to drift off again but it was too quiet. Without the rustling of his lovers trying to find a comfortable space or the murmurs of random ‘I love yous’ it was hard to get back to sleep.

 

Connor walked in through the back deck door with a grimm expression. His index fingers were burned recently and he held a pack of Camels. He noticed Evan and shoved the cigarettes into his pockets. He was jumpy today.

 

“Hey Ev,” He greeted softly, “Glad to see you are up and about.”

 

“Hi, whats up?”

 

“Uh, I saw Zoe she like, wrecked her hand hitting a wall or door or something. And my mom was at the whole foods with a huge black eye. We locked eyes but we woul-- couldn’t chat much with my da-- Larry in like, the isle next to us. So yeah also Kleinman and I are sorry about the stench of weed in your bedroom we eventually took it outside but we just we're stressed and shit. Sorry.”

 

“Mhm it's fine but h-how are you?”

 

“Sad as fuck.” 

 

Evan frowned.

 

“But getting better.” He added hastily not meeting his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

“Okay, I love you you know?”

 

“Yes a--”

 

“But I know that I can’t ‘fix,’” Evan used quotation marks, “you however I can ease your pain a little.”

 

“I appreciate it,” He blew a kiss, “are you good?”

 

“Yes. I’m good. Where is J?”

 

“Out.”

 

“Oh, okay. I’m sorry that you had to see your family like that.”

 

“Meh,” He shrugged, “It beats not knowing if they’re okay.”

 

He hummed a noise of agreement and went back to laying on his sofa. He kind of wished he could lay on top of Connor’s lap but he had no idea how to word that proposition. Thankfully after Evan stole a few glances at Connor’s crotch he understood what was up.

 

Evan practically dug his face into the other boys thighs. “I’m needy and need reassurance.”

 

“About?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

 

“All things. Tell me I’m pretty.”

 

“You’re pretty?”

 

“No,” He complained, “Not enough feeling.”

 

“Woah okay then you are the most gorgeous boy on the planet.”

 

“Aside from Jared, right?”

 

“Aside from Jared.”

 

“We should go on a date like, all three of us.”

 

Connor chuckled, “Where?”

 

“A-anywhere. Wait no let's go to that new italian res-restaurant. T-the one that just opened near the mall.”

 

“That sounds good when would you like to--”

 

“Tonight.”

 

“Uhm it's new do you think they would have a table?”

 

Evan rolled his eyes as if the solution was obiose. “That place is meant for normies like, couples so all the two tables will be taken up but the four person seaters? Ours for the taking.”

 

“Ohhhhh,” He put on a goofy grin, “how could I have not thought about that?”

 

“That's ‘cause I’m the smart one.”

 

“Really now oh smart one please tell me how we are going to get in if I have no access to appropriate attire.”

 

“We’ll u-uh just...sneak you in? O-or ask politely if local homeless teen could join us?”

“Haha.”

 

“So-sorry.”

 

“Whatever I’m over it.”

 

A feminine voice burst into the conversation, “What are you over Connor?”

 

“Being semi-homeless.” 

 

“Ah ‘k,” Hedi stepped in front of the teens with a tired expression. “Have you checked your email Evan?”

 

“N-no why?”

 

Her face turned unnaturally peppy. “Just a question.” She left the room without word and Evan shot a confused look over at his partner. Connor wore a guilty look as if he had done something  but he didn’t know what.

 

“What happend Con?”

 

“Nothing my dear.”

 

“You’re nervous about something.”

 

“I can’t imagine why.”

 

“I’m going to see what's in my--”

 

“No, I-I mean don’t?”

 

“You are in on something with my mom and I wanna know what!”

 

Bye sweetie,” She called out before exiting through the garage, “I’m off to another shift!”

 

When she was gone Connor asked how she could be going back if she just arrived. “Simple. My mom is required to take a hour break before starting another shift and the hospital is twenty-five minutes away.”

 

“Hey babes was that Hedi I saw leaving?” It was Jared holding a perscription box and some other things that seemed to have come from the local Wallgreens.

 

“Yup.”

 

“Well that's great be--”

 

“J,” Evan interrupted, “What's this about an email?”

 

Jared turned pale. “I don’t know.” He wasn’t a very good liar.

 

“Fin okay has anyone seen my phone? I swear it was on my bedstand last night.”

 

“Not at all.” The other boys responded to quickly causing Evans eyes to narrow with suspicion.

 

“You all know something… spit it out!”

 

Instead of acknowledging the demand Jared went in for a kiss on the nose but was stopped with the cold stare of the household resident. “Tell me.”

 

Connor attempted to act nonchalant by shrugging. “Ask your mom later.”

 

“You little shits.” He muttered. “Did you hid my phone?”

 

After too much silence Jared admitted to the crime. “And your laptop too.”

 

“What is in there? I swear to god if you don’t explain to me why i’ll...I don’t know what i’ll do but it will not be fun I can guarantee that.”

 

“Aww come on don’t be like that.”

 

“J, I will ‘be like that’ all I want because how dare you all limit my ability to see my inbox.” He had sat up from Connor’s lap.

 

Connor tried to pull him back but it was in vain.

 

“Jared, Con, you suck.”

 

“Ev, we are both sorry about this but this how it’s going to go down.”

 

“I’m going to find out sooner or later.”

 

“Preferably later,” Jared said.

 

“Uhg!”

 

Connor let out a small laugh. “You’ll be fine not knowing it all.”

 

Still, grumbling Evan got up and told his boyfriends off.

 

“We love you!” Jared yelled out.

 

“Yeah okay, I’m going to find my stuff.”

 

“Have fun~” Connor’s tone was sing-song.

 

+++

 

Connor was cuddling a sleeping Jared when he spotted his frustrated Evan. “Babe, you okay?”

 

“Nope still haven't found my things…” The resentment was evident.

 

Stealing a quick look at the boy he was holding Connor spoke softly “Search J’s bag Ev.”

 

“What?”

 

“The left compartment.”

 

Evan did as he was told and found his phone out of its case. The battery was low, practically dead already. He immediately went to his gmail app and saw an email, that wasn’t older than an hour, from someone he’d never thought he would hear from again.

 

_ Dear Evan, _

 

_     I would like to inform you once more that me and  _ **_our_ ** _ new family is coming over for christmas. I have a feeling that your mother had deleted the other numerous emails I had sent so here is one more. I am aware that you’re jewish but you should broaden your horizon. We will be arriving on the twenty-third. Please don’t think that Linda, Jax, Julie, and I are intruding your mother and I have been planning this for months now. I know that you have little reason to hold any love for me in your heart, however, please try to be respectful. _

  
  


_                                                                                                                From, _

_                                                                                                                      Your father (Brandon) _

 

Oh...that was unexpected. He thought his dad wanted nothing to do with him, with all the lack of calling, or emails, or visiting, or really anything. Evan’s emotions were a jumbled mess and while he silently pieced together a complete, fluint thought about what he just learned Jared woke up.

 

“What time is it?” He mumbled still groggy.

 

Connor, keeping his composure unlike Evan who was freaking out in his own mind, told Jared it was half past four.

 

“Why is Acorn like th-- You,” Jared’s tone oozed with accusation, “You couldn’t keep your mouth shut could you?! Unbelievable!”

 

“Shhhh, he was eventually gonna find out.”

 

“Evan snapped his neck and turned to the boys on the couch. “How long.”

 

“Connor played dumb. “Hm?”

 

“How long ago did you know he was coming?”

 

“Oh uh, J knew how long ago?”

 

“Almost a month ago.”

 

“And I only know ‘cuz your mom told me at the ass crack of dawn.”

 

“Okay,” Evan answered numbly.

 

“You alright?” Jared asked propping himself off of his one boyfriend ready to latch on and support the other.

 

“Yeah, totally I’m just really fucking exhausted.”

 

“Me too,” Connor sympathized honestly.

 

“Hey Con, Ev, why don't we all go take a nap?”

 

Both other teens murmured a ‘yes’ and together they headed off to bed for some rest. Was trying to sleep off your problems the best solution? No. Did any part of the trio care? Also negative.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos,bookmarks,comment,any feedback in general is appreciated.
> 
> the prescription boxes were T btw bc true story one time my friend picked mine up w/o any identification and bc my family insurers covers it all she didn't even have to pay for it. Now im p sure thats like,,, a federal crime for a pharmacy to let anybody pick up medications even w/ the doctor's prescription pad/note but nonetheless it happened and im just,,,,,wow

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i wrote this in an hour so im sorry its shit but i really wanted to write something???????? If there r typos tell me please,ok? Thanks
> 
> also next chapter is in Connors point of view.


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